I have two questions. I’ll start off with this one: Any practical word for those younger ones serving and leading in fellowships with children? How do we follow the Lord and serve during this very busy time of work, raising children, with a very real desire to also serve the body?
First of all, we know from the Bible that the heart to serve is a quality of the Lord Jesus. Our Lord Himself said that He came not to be served, but to serve. And so, this heart to serve, we’re thankful for, because the functioning of the house of God is dependent very much on brothers and sisters having the heart of the Lord Jesus in these things.
This morning, I was thinking about our conference these last couple of days and the brothers and sisters who took care of all the small details and made sure that everyone was okay. These small things that perhaps we don’t keep track of, the Lord is very much keeping track of. And He sees all the different measures of Christ that are being expressed in the house of God.
The other verse that came to mind is in Galatians 5. We were given a freedom, and what do we do with this freedom? The conclusion was: “Through love, serve one another.”
Before we begin to talk more about the details of the question, the heart to serve is really of the Lord. We believe that, as the Holy Spirit is working in our hearts over time and we are being transformed from glory to glory, more of the Lord’s heart can be manifested in our lives, and this heart to serve might come forth.
Now, it just so happens that by the time we’re really following the Lord for some time, the Lord is growing on us, and all of a sudden we get married. Then, before we know it, we have kids.
I was watching some brothers and sisters this morning at breakfast. Our brother from Ohio was bringing his son over to a table, and he just had to pick him up and carry him over and put him down because he was running in the wrong direction. It reminded me of a dad lion picking up his naughty son lion with his mouth and having to bring him where he was supposed to go.
The truth of the matter is, when we become parents, our lives change. I was chatting with my wife yesterday evening about this question, and she repeated something to me three times. She said, “You have to say this to the moms three times.”
So I have to say this, just to make it clear: raising your kids is serving the Lord. She said it three times.
I want to share that moms have a very special ministry. I listed some things out: moms wake their family members up; they make lunch and pack lunches; they make breakfast; they wash clothes, clean their room, make dinner, pick up dirty laundry, and comfort in sadness.
And all these things I listed were just for their husbands, because there are so many more things that they do for their kids. They might be listed in Proverbs 31. You could read through the Bible, but what we realize is that, in the household of God, mothers really deserve and should have a place of honor.
This special ministry of moms cannot be underemphasized. In that period of time, as we have our primary ministry, which is to our family and to our kids, if we still have the heart to serve others, young people, this is really a wonderful thing.
But remember, too, that moms’ lives bear testimony. We see love, caring, and patience. Before we become parents, we might serve in a certain way. But as we move into these new phases of life, there are different ways in which we can serve the Lord.
We should not compare. There really are different ways, and we need to trust the leading of the Holy Spirit as to where we should go, when we should step forward, and when we may need to take a step back and take some time. These things come from that inner life, that leading of the Holy Spirit, as Brother Kong was sharing.
The question is whether we can give some practical examples. These are things that we did when we wanted to serve and continued to serve the young people when we had our kids.
We were in San Diego, in a fellowship with a bunch of young guys. I’m still friends with them to this day. They loved sports, they were funny, and they made crazy jokes.
One of the things that we did was create a family environment whenever we served. I always brought my son with me, and we would do things together. When we would go out or have dinner together, I would take them to dinner every so often. I’d bring my son and put him in a seat next to me—or in a, what are those called again, where you hold them? No, not a high chair. I remember a high chair. The carrying thing. See, you forget these things.
But I would bring him with me. I remember one really wonderful moment. The guys really loved him. We were in a message meeting on Sunday, and all of a sudden one of the brothers—his name was also Matt—said, “Oh!” My son began to learn how to walk in the middle of the meeting because one of the young brothers was not really listening to the message; he was trying to teach him how to walk. And he started to walk. We were so happy.
But I think, brothers and sisters, the point is that we make the serving a family matter. We want to make sure that the younger people whom we are serving know that they are part of the family.
Have it at your house whenever you can, and don’t worry about cleaning. When we would have meetings at our house, it was really fun—again, that family environment.
But the important thing is to make sure that you let everybody know what the time limits are, right? At a certain time, everyone needs to go home, because they’ll stay forever, which is wonderful. But we just need to make sure that we know, and that’s okay.
Minimise the non-relational responsibilities. What I mean by that is, some sisters really feel that they need to cook, or they need to do certain things in order to show love. Have your husband do a barbecue. Buy pizza. Just those things.
We can try to minimise the extra work that perhaps is not directly involved in interacting. Maybe your way is to cook together or whatever. But whatever the situation is, minimise those things that the Holy Spirit permits you to minimise that are not directly related.
This one is very important: find sisters and brothers—fine brothers—who can go the way with us, perhaps mentor us. It is kind of a weird word to use in this situation, but find someone who has gone the way before.
I think of what Dana was sharing yesterday about Paul having gone through difficulty. Because of what the Holy Spirit did in Paul, there was something imparted that Paul could use for others.
There are moms who have gone the way before, and it is really important to be able to have that bonding. When we first have our kids, in our late twenties or early thirties, it can seem like no one else has ever gone through this before.
But I assure you, if you came to talk to my wife or to many of the sisters whom the Lord has treasured in each fellowship—those who have been moms—there is going to be a lot of wisdom there, along with listening and praying that are necessary to keep going.
Pray. Make sure that the strength that was yours before is always the same strength in the Lord. Find a quiet place. Cultivate your relationship to the Lord in the secret place. These are always really very important.
As your kids get older and you are still serving, we have to make sure that our kids always know that we love them. This is very important.
In my generation, if you ask the brothers and sisters what a lot of them say, it is this: “Our parents served so much that we never saw them. We knew they loved the Lord, and we knew they loved the church, but we didn’t know they loved us.”
This should not be. So, brothers and sisters, make sure that as you continue to serve, your kids know that you love them. I try to ask my kids every day until they are so annoyed, you know. It is very important that we keep doing that.
Then they will grow up in a house knowing, “The Lord is the head of the house. My mom and dad love the Lord, and I know that they love me.” It is an environment that cultivates growth in the Lord Jesus.
Continue to grow in the Lord in your hearts, and be watchful for bitterness and complaining. These are usually hints that maybe something is not entirely right. Always be able to go back to the Lord and back to find fellowship with brothers and sisters. These are always important things.
Hopefully that is of help to you as you have asked that question.
The second question is—and, to be honest, Brother Kong answered this one already. I’ll read it: What is the difference between an outward walk, following orders and commands—I think having to do with an outward walk—and an inward walk, also requiring obedience?
I think this is a really good question. Both of these questions are questions I have had and continue to have. I’ll read a couple of verses in light of the answer that Brother Kong already mentioned, which is the Holy Spirit.
I’m going to read two verses. If we could turn to Romans 2. It has to do with circumcision. It is kind of strange, but let me read it and you’ll see.
We’ll read Romans 2:25-29:
For circumcision indeed profiteth, if thou be a doer of the law:
but if thou be a transgressor of the law, thy circumcision is become uncircumcision.
If therefore the uncircumcision keep the ordinances of the law, shall not his uncircumcision be reckoned for circumcision?
and shall not the uncircumcision which is by nature, if it fulfil the law, judge thee, who with the letter and circumcision art a transgressor of the law?
For he is not a Jew who is one outwardly;
neither is that circumcision which is outward in the flesh:
but he is a Jew who is one inwardly;
and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit not in the letter;
whose praise is not of men, but of God.
If we could take Romans 2:29 and consider the four points there, I think they can be of help in light of what Brother Kong was talking about.
Number one: the inward walk, or the inward life, is of the heart. In our heart, or in our spirit, there is something submitting to another’s guidance.
When we think of obedience, as mentioned in the question, versus obligation, obedience means that someone is in obedience to someone else. In our hearts, we would have chosen to submit to what the Lord would want.
To clarify, that does not necessarily mean that you like it. But it means that we submit to what the Lord would want.
The second point is, of course, the most important: it is by the Spirit. I would refer you to what Brother Kong was mentioning: the Holy Spirit has leadership in our hearts to speak to us and to give us direction.
When we ask the Lord to shed light on our lives, He will help us know where we should go, and we would honour His instruction.
Not by the letter. At this point, I would like to read another verse regarding “not by the letter,” in Matthew 21. I really like this verse because I have done it many times.
Matthew 21:28-31:
But what think ye? A man had two sons;
and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work to-day in the vineyard.
And he answered and said, I will not:
but afterward he repented himself, and went.
And he came to the second, and said likewise.
And he answered and said, I go, sir: and went not.
Which of the two did the will of his father?
They say, The first.
This was an example the Lord was giving about having a heart to do the will of the father. Sometimes we just do not want to do it.
I think what it really brings us back to is this: do we have the heart, even though our flesh really does not want to do it? In the end, we may resist it, and we may even complain and do all this, but does the Lord win out in our hearts?
To do something by the Spirit, and not by the letter, is very important.
The last point is that our praise is not from men, but from God. That is to say, the outward things that we do in our life are really because, in our inner heart, we want the Lord to be pleased.
These are just a couple of points from Romans 2:29. The other thing that I wanted to mention briefly is to get back to our inner room.
Sometimes we overanalyse ourselves. We may ask, “What I did—did I do it because it was just the outer walk and not the inner walk?”
I have to say that there is a life in us, for those of us who are saved. Sometimes what we think we are doing out of obligation is actually the Holy Spirit doing something in our hearts, and in the end it really is out of obedience.
It has to do with the life that is in us. Sometimes we just cannot tell by looking at the outside. That is why we should ask the Lord to shed light in our life.
It is good to wonder, “Where did that come from?” But I think sometimes the Lord is doing something in us, and we have to trust and have faith in that life—that the Lord is continuing to give us opportunities to grow.
It may feel like we are doing it out of obligation at the beginning, but what it may really be is the first fruit of obedience. So, those are just my thoughts.