Had that song on my heart yesterday when we were moving mulch together. It just seemed like a family-of-God experience, and there was that note of joy in the singing.
I would like to read a few verses from 1 Timothy and share today about being in the family of God, especially relating to one another in the household of God.
First, 1 Timothy 3:14-15:
These things I write unto thee, hoping to come unto thee shortly;
but if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how men ought to behave themselves in the house of God,
which is the church of the living God,
the pillar and ground of the truth.
Just this phrase: to know how one ought to conduct oneself in God’s house, or in the household of God.
Then 1 Timothy 4:12:
Let no man despise thy youth;
but be thou an example of the believers,
in word,
in manner of life,
in love,
in faith,
in purity.
And lastly, 1 Timothy 5:1-2:
Rebuke not an elder, but exhort him as a father;
the younger men as brethren;
the elder women as mothers;
the younger as sisters,
in all purity.
Let us pray together. Lord, we trust in You in this time, and we come to You for fellowship. Lord, we come to You to share Your heart with us and to be able to share our hearts back with You. We open our hearts up to You in this time.
We are so glad to be part of the family of God, so glad to be in Your household, so glad to be washed and cleansed by the precious blood, and to be remembered as a child of God. In Jesus’ name, amen.
This scripture in chapter 3, about knowing how to conduct oneself in the house of God, is mentioned right after talking about the qualifications and character traits of elders and deacons. Very specifically, Timothy was left behind in Ephesus. Paul had to go on, but he was hoping to come back soon enough that he could help reestablish some elders in Ephesus.
The elders in Ephesus had all had something happen to them. Paul had prophesied about this in Acts 20 and said he would never see the elders again, and that from among them some would rise up as wolves. So he knew something would happen. I do not know if he knew that he would ever be back in Ephesus, but he ended up going back.
Some may have passed away, some may have moved, and some had become believers who were harming the saints. At this point, they needed to reestablish some elders. The church in Ephesus was a mature church, but it was at a point of major transition and major change. Timothy was left behind to finish some of the work that needed to be done.
Paul says, “I hope I can come back soon,” but he spelled out all these details about conduct in the house of God. It was not just about elders and deacons. There were details about a widow’s list and all kinds of things. Lots of details are mentioned in 1 Timothy, just in case he did not make it back to Ephesus.
Timothy had all these things, and he was still considered a young man. Now, he had been traveling with the apostle Paul for many years. He was probably more like my age—an old, elderly man with white hair and maybe balding—but old enough to be old to some and young enough to be young to others.
So he was at a point where he had responsibilities. He had the grace of God, the ability, the teaching, and even the gifting, in Timothy’s case, to do the task he had been charged with doing. Yet in chapter 4 he is told, “Let no one despise your youth.”
Put into such a position in such a church as Ephesus, it would be easy for the believers in that mature assembly to have a hard time receiving that kind of help from Timothy. If Paul is there, definitely, we can receive it, even if we disagree a little bit. But this young man? It is a difficulty.
So Paul brings it up and encourages him that way. He also shares with him, in chapter 5, how to relate to older brothers and sisters and how to relate to younger brothers and sisters. I wanted to bring this aspect of conduct in the house of God up for consideration and fellowship.
In the household of God, in the family of God, this is the same word used in the phrase, “You and your house shall be saved.” It is a word not only for a building, but really for the people who live in it—the household.
The way of acting in the family of God includes learning to relate to each other at different ages. We would like to say—and I would have loved to say this, especially when I was newly saved—that there is no age in Christ. Actually, that part is true.
In Christ Himself, and when we step into the realm of fellowship, there are spiritual stages of maturity: fathers, young men, and little children, as 1 John 2 mentions. Those are spiritual maturity stages.
But whatever your physical age is—whether you are 13, 18, 35, or 105—it is not what is noticed in Christ. It is basically removed there, because it is all based on your spiritual life. We experience this when we get into pure fellowship, back and forth sharing Christ.
Sometimes you walk away from fellowship with someone who is not your peer age-wise, and you are amazed. You actually forgot how old they were, whether they were older or younger. Those are the moments when there was no age.
But in the church, there is age. This is a principle that happens a few times. For example, Galatians 3 says that in Christ there is no Jew or Gentile, no bondservant or master, and no male or female. This is absolutely true.
But when it talks about the church, as in Colossians 3, it does not mention male or female, though it does mention Jew and Gentile and so on. In the church, there are differences in behavior and in the way we do things according to some order, as mentioned in 1 Corinthians 11, 1 Corinthians 14, and 1 Timothy 2.
We notice that there are men and women, and there is even a difference in some conduct in the house of God. Yet when we are fellowshipping in Christ, in the life of Christ, and in eternal life, there is no male or female in that moment of purely sharing Christ.
In the same way, because of the encouragements here, you can see that in relating to one another in the church, there is bound to be a noticeable age difference. There is a need to learn how to conduct ourselves in the house of God—how to act and how to relate to one another at different ages.
This is not a bad thing. This is actually a glorious thing of God. It is on purpose. He has put us in the family of God, and He wants older brothers and older sisters. He wants the difference. He wants a younger brother who is 13 and a younger sister who is 26.
He desires that variety of social life, the variety of different places in life, the variety of memory, the variety of mental abilities, and the variety of wisdom—not just spiritually, but even socially. The Lord desires that family atmosphere, and it is a good, healthy thing.
We want to bring this out as a household-of-God reality that must be accepted: there are different ages in the church. Even though in Christ and in fellowship we do not see the age, in the conduct of the house of God, as we do things together and work together, there are ages. It is supposed to be like this.
This verse in 1 Timothy 4:12 says, “Let no one despise your youth.” I would like to keep the word despising from automatically becoming a bad word.
If I despise someone out of cruelty—if I despise everybody who is wealthy, everybody who is white, everybody who is short, or whatever it is—and I have some evil place in my heart, of course that is sin. That is something different. If we notice that somebody just hates children, they have something to deal with. That is not what this verse is talking about.
This is the natural, healthy noticing of someone’s age. It is looking down on someone because of their age, but not looking down on them because you do not like them or do not love them. It is often because of love that you notice the age.
For example, in a healthy physical family, perhaps there is a family outing with cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents, and everyone else. Your great-aunt may be there as well. In that environment, your auntie or uncle just loves you so much that they still pinch your cheeks, even though you are 35.
They adore you. They see you as such a fine young man. You do not feel that they do not like you or that they are despising you. But are they noticing that you are younger? Of course. They absolutely love that you are younger. They love to see the children running around and doing all these things. It is a joy, and it is a good thing.
Then, through the evening, you may end up having conversations and relating to one another. Instead of always being that young lady who is so smiley, you sit down and talk to your great-aunt. You find that you both have lives to share and things to share. You end up knowing each other.
There is still the happiness of, “Oh, I have known that little person since they were in diapers. I even changed one of your diapers.” But now they are 18, they talk with you, and you discover, “I had no idea you were this type of human.” There is a discovery of that.
It happens in families with parents and children. As children get older, they begin to think in a more obvious way. They ask very good questions. They help you a little bit, remind you of things, and bring things up.
I have not gone through this much myself; I am barely at the stage with a young child. But I see parents learning to fellowship with their children and learning to receive from their adult children. It is a transition, because you knew them when they were four. They used to sit on your lap, hug you, and be tucked into bed. Now they are grown men and women, and you are talking to them on a whole other level.
We all end up learning in life how to relate with different ages and how to discover someone beyond their age. Even if I have 20 years on you, even if you are the age of my child, I learn to talk with you almost eye to eye. It is a social skill, but in the household of God there is also a spiritual aspect to it and a spiritual need for the differences in age.
Let us look at this first from the perspective of the older person relating to the younger person. In 1 Corinthians 16, Paul exhorted the believers in Corinth not to despise Timothy. Timothy was probably coming along with that letter. Paul said, “Do not despise Timothy. He works the work of God, just like I do. Do not despise him. Make sure he is okay.”
At that time Timothy was perhaps 10 or 15 years younger than he was later, probably a younger man in his twenties and more easily despised. Yet Timothy was probably more mature spiritually than the whole church in Corinth.
When the letter to the Corinthians was written, they were a fairly new church. If some of them had been saved for a few years, that was pretty good. Timothy had been serving the Lord since he was a teenager. He had served in a couple of local churches and then had been taken up by the apostle Paul and traveled with him.
The Corinthians knew Timothy as Paul’s helper, as a very fine young man. Now he was among them, and it would be easy, because some of them were older physically than Timothy, to know him according to his age.
Paul mentions it simply as an encouragement: “Guys, try not to despise Timothy. I know he is young, but he works the work of God. Notice that part. Do not notice his age.”
That was to the Corinthians long ago. Then, perhaps 10 or more years later, Timothy was dealing with the church in Ephesus, and again he would have the struggle of being younger. If we are the Corinthians, our way of relating to Timothy is to know him according to Christ—to know him not after the flesh, as 2 Corinthians 5 says. We know no man according to the flesh anymore; we know them in Christ.
This is a real exercise and a real training. I know Timothy, and I want to see his measure of Christ and bring out the fellowship.
What would normally happen if a younger person is fellowshipping? Our normal, natural, healthy love for them might look something like this. Someone shows up at our prayer gathering. Perhaps we are not used to having teenagers, or even people in their twenties, at a prayer gathering. Then this young 16-year-old shows up—young according to age, but growing in the Lord.
I have been praying so much for the younger crowd. When he prays, I almost do not notice his prayer because I am so filled with joy that this young man prayed. As soon as he finishes praying, 15, 20, or 30 of us say, “Amen,” really loudly.
We are all filled with love and joy. We absolutely love that young man who just prayed that prayer. Everybody says amen really loudly. This is good. If you are that young man, you should realize that it is because everybody loves you. It is because of the love of the brethren.
But technically speaking, it is probably relating to the person according to their age. It is noticeable. And the worst experience when you are a teenager is to be put on the spot, called out, and noticed extra.
You think, “If I pray, they are going to have extra-loud amens. It is not even because of my prayer. It is just because I am young.” The prayer ends, loud amens come out, and you slink down in your chair and want to hide.
The next week, when it is prayer-meeting time, you may think, “I am not sure I want to go, because I am going to be embarrassed again. Everybody is going to say amen. And someone may even pray afterward, thanking God for the prayer of the young man.” You are like, “Oh, no.”
But we have to see that this is the real love of the saints. This experience is totally normal in the family of God. No one should repent of it. It is the joy and love of older brothers and sisters.
Especially, it comes from those who pray for the younger brothers and sisters. If you pray for somebody, you are extra excited when something happens with them. If they show up, you want to run up and hug them. If it is somebody I pray for and something is going on, I have to control myself. I want to shake their hand and say something, and they are probably thinking, “What is wrong with you?” But there is added joy and added love when you regularly pray for someone. It is a fact of spiritual life.
Part of learning conduct in the house of God is to receive a younger person according to Christ. Consider the Corinthians with Timothy in his twenties, coming to work the work of God—to help them overcome their carnality and continue preaching Christ and Him crucified.
They may hear him share Christ and Him crucified just like Paul, but think, “Oh, it is so cute coming from that younger voice.” Out of love, they may appreciate Timothy so much that they miss the whole word he shares. They are excited merely by the fact that Timothy is sharing.
The best thing for them to do is to listen to the Christ that he shares. The best thing is to hear the prayer being prayed and give the appropriate amen. We need to be calm and socially cool, I suppose you would say, and just let them blend in. Let them fit in.
It is the easiest way to bring younger people into fellowship. This is not a bad thing that is happening when we feel such love. It is simply something that all of us, at a slightly older age, can realize is going to happen.
The love inside of us may want to jump out and say, “Praise the Lord, this person is here! Praise the Lord, they prayed!” But if we can deny even a little of that outward expression, for the sake of encouraging that one, letting them blend in, letting them simply be a brother or sister, and knowing them only according to Christ, it is really helpful. It makes it easier.
One time I was a small-group leader, a discussion-group leader, at a conference. I think it may have been my first time. I was in my mid-twenties. I started to open the time, and this dear sister burst out laughing. She caught herself and said, “He is just such a young man, and he is leading our group.”
Of course, I wanted to sink down in my chair and say, “Never mind.” But she eventually calmed down, everybody laughed, and I went ahead and led the group. It was no big deal.
You know what I knew? I knew she was just excited, and it was a little funny because everyone in my group happened to be 20 years older than me. It was funny: why is this young guy leading the discussion group?
But by the end of the group, we had good fellowship. We learned to relate to each other in Christ. This is just something that is going to happen. It is part of the household of God.
When someone younger shares in a fellowship time, we want to go up afterward and encourage them. We want them to know that it was awesome, that it was good, and that they should keep doing it. Yet it can possibly be one of the worst things we can do—not because it is bad, but because it may make it harder for them to blend in as a brother or sister.
If someone is your peer and shares well, you may not tell them because you do not want them to become proud. Occasionally, though, the Lord may lead you to encourage them because they do not realize how helpful their sharing was. In that case, no matter the age, we should do it.
The difference is the reason for the encouragement. Is it because of the measure of Christ? Is it because you know that brother or sister, know their struggle, and know it took a lot for them to open up and share? If you pull them aside as a peer and encourage them as a brother or sister, that is very healthy.
Naturally, we are filled with joy when someone shares or opens their mouth in a church gathering. I think that is healthy. I think it is the love of Christ. But we should prayerfully consider holding back as a habit and checking with the Lord: “Should I encourage them now, or might this make them feel extra self-conscious? Should I take a step back?”
On the younger side, relating to older believers, we have to realize that it is difficult for an older brother or sister not to be filled with joy when we do something in the house of God—not to smile extra or amen extra. We need to help them discover fellowship on the basis of Christ alone.
“Let no one despise your youth” is not meant to stand by itself. When I first read this verse, I was newly saved, just at the end of being 16 years old. I found the verse and thought it was amazing: “Yes, let no one despise my youth.”
I was 16, then I turned 17, and I loved this verse so much that I wanted to say it to people sometimes. I memorized it because of that: “1 Timothy 4:12, let no one despise your youth.”
Then I realized that I did not have it memorized. So I memorized the whole verse. Memorizing the whole verse, word for word, delivered me from my selfish “let no one despise your youth” practice.
In my heart, I wanted to stop people, call them out, be bothered, and have an attitude. You know what that attitude was? It was a youthful attitude. It was a mistaken attitude. It was a proud type of attitude. It was wrong to take offense and want to stop people.
Instead, I read the rest of the verse: “But be an example of the believers, in word, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.”
The way to stop the despising is to be an example for the believers. The way to stop the despising is not by stopping the despising. It is not by asking people to stop. It is not by saying anything.
Even bringing this up today is potentially awkward, except that the Lord has thoroughly shown me through years, fellowship, and everything else that this is a good thing happening. This is the family of God.
If we do not have this experience, we are probably not experiencing the household of God. In the big house, as 2 Timothy describes what Christianity becomes, there are many rooms, many sections, many divisions, and many ways of overcoming the age barrier.
You can have a youth church within the church. You do not have to mix that much. But eventually, when you get into your twenties or thirties, you ask, “Where is the next youth church for me? I was in this church as a teenager, then as a college student, then as a singles young adult, then as a career young adult. Now I am an older young adult, but I still feel awkward around much older people.”
It is because you are not experiencing the household of God. Experiencing the family of God includes different ages relating to one another. If we never want to run into this, we will probably run away from the house of God.
But if the Lord puts us together in the same prayer gathering, the same fellowship time, breaking bread together, fellowshipping at a meal with someone much older or much younger, it is because we are experiencing two or three gathered together in His name. We are experiencing God’s house. We are experiencing the family of God, and it is a very good thing.
From the younger perspective, the way to help with the despising is to set an example for the believers. At the prayer meeting I mentioned, where someone came and the amens were loud, all that is needed is to show up the next week and pray. Then show up the third week and pray.
After five times of showing up and praying just like anybody else, as an example for any believer no matter the age, people will amen your prayers just as they amen someone’s prayers who is 20 years older. They stop noticing your age.
If you function like a believer, everybody will see you as a believer. If we function according to our age, it will be difficult for people to help bring us into our spiritual life.
But if you show up and pray, and then you pray again, they may forget that you are a younger person. Even when they are praying for the younger people, they may not notice that you are one of them. You are just whoever you are. You are just your name. You are just Jeffrey. They are praying for the young people to show up, but Jeffrey is already there.
When you come to the Bible fellowship time and share, of course it may be a very cute, cheek-pinching-worthy experience for everybody. But come the next week and share. Study the Word, bring your portion, and edify the saints. As you do that regularly, you will blend in.
It is a way of overcoming: be an example for the believers. Try it for two or three months—just being regular and doing your portion. Appreciate what comes from older brothers and sisters at first, and realize that it is like your great-aunt who loves you and pinches your cheek. You may just need to sit down with her more and talk, so she has something to say besides, “You are so cute.”
As you do that, they learn to fellowship. It makes it easier for everybody to know each other in Christ. Paul gives examples: be an example for the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.
In my own life, in the beginning stage of being a believer, I was blessed to be around older brothers and sisters who had been so broken in the Lord through past failures and everything else. They saw the need for younger brothers and sisters to rise up.
The environment I was in pushed all of us in our teenage years and twenties to go full force in all the measure of Christ that we had. There was strong encouragement behind the scenes, a shepherd’s heart, and love from the believers. It helped me so much. I would have taken much longer to do things I should have been doing.
Others our own age encouraged us too. In my case, one brother was really used by the Lord in my life. I was 17 and he was 18. We were just young, but he sat down and talked with me.
He said, “Why are we waiting until we are old and in our thirties to know the Word of God?” At that age, we thought anybody in their thirties or forties was old. He said, “Do we need to wait until we are that age to know the Word of God like these other men and women of God? What are we waiting on?”
That conversation made it all click. I stopped seeing myself merely as 17 or 18. I began to see myself as a brother in the Lord who could mature. I said, “Yes, why am I waiting?”
You can show up at age 30, 40, or 50 and still not know much of the Word of God. The time is right this moment. From that time, we began to study the Word of God as though we were old people, as though there were no reason for us not to. We stopped acting like we were younger, and it helped tremendously.
It was that heart-to-heart talk from someone my own age who had discovered something and overflowed to share it with me. It also helped older brothers and sisters to receive from us. We began to know some of the Word and memorize some of it.
Those who are younger in age often have sharper minds. Probably everyone would agree that memorizing is physically easier when you are younger—especially when you are under 30. I do not know what it is like after your forties, but I know it is more difficult for me now than it was then. That kind of help is healthy.
But here is where we went wrong. We started to know some things more than some who were older, and we forgot something: knowledge is not everything in fellowship.
Knowing a scripture that another person forgot does not mean you need to despise them. There is a temptation to despise an older person, especially if you realize, “I know something more than this person.”
What do you have that you have not received, as we read in 1 Corinthians? If you read a good book, does that make you something? You just read a good book that they have not read yet. We read good books and memorized verses that they had not memorized yet.
We had to learn the hard way to respect the work the Lord has done in older brothers and sisters. It is not the amount of knowledge. In a way, it is the amount of failures that matters—the work of God in a life.
What you can definitely respect is the Holy Spirit’s working in an older brother or sister. Forget what they are walking in right now, or what they know. The fact that they have had 20 years of dealings by the Lord, of living, triumphs, and failures—that requires respect.
All of that means there is some measure of Christ to receive, even if it comes through stories of failures or stories of triumphs. There is a definite measure of respect.
Maybe you feel you have matured a little beyond somebody older than you. Great. But can we respect what the Lord has done with that older brother or sister? If they have broken bread, are right with the Lord, are washed by the blood, and are in good standing with God, that should be respected.
You may see problems. You may think they should be doing this or that. This is the problem when you begin to grow: you notice everything. You get bothered by everybody you think should be more mature. Then you are doing the opposite problem—you are despising, but in a bad way, not in the nice way.
We have to respect what those wrinkles mean. Those are Holy Spirit wrinkles. If the Lord has worked something, and if they are right with the Lord, then even the fact that He has brought them to be right with Him now is something to be respected and gained from.
There is wisdom according to age. It is throughout the Scriptures. If we read Proverbs, we see that God wants there to be respect according to age. He wants us to respect those who are older. There is a reason for it.
There is respect for the working of God in that life. There is respect for a unique type of wisdom that comes with experience—not just knowledge and not just pure spiritual growth, but time along with growth.
In Job 32, Elihu, the young man, steps in and says that he did not say anything. He waited until older Job and Job’s three friends were done with their rounds of arguments. He thought, “Let age speak first, because with age comes wisdom.” He was right.
But then he said, “There is a spirit in man, and the breath of the Almighty.” So he did have something to add. That is a good approach. Elihu eventually got a little upset, but initially the concept was good. He had respect for age, and he was listening and looking for wisdom.
Some older brothers were trying to help me with a mistake in my path. Because they did not know something that I knew, I would not listen. I despised them. It was a complete failure.
Later I learned to respect the Christ that has worked in someone and to learn how to receive from everybody. It is not according to what answers they can give in the Bible. You should be growing in the Word. You should be learning some of the Word. You should be bringing something to the Bible study, perhaps because you have more free time than others do. You should have a portion. That is a great measure and a strong encouragement.
But in the midst of that, keep your heart very open, very listening, and very much receiving from all the wisdom of older brothers and sisters. You know what that does? It helps older brothers and sisters not to despise your youth.
When you become upset with others because they are not walking as you think they ought to walk, what comes out is youthful zeal and youthful flesh. It is a mark of being a young person. To overcome that viewpoint from older brothers and sisters, we have to show respect and learn to receive and listen.
Paul says, “Be an example of the believers in word.” There is no reason why we should not have a portion of the Word of God to bring. That is a good measure.
But these things are particularly important in dealing with age. In my word of sharing, am I sharing like a twenty-something person, or am I sharing like a sister or brother in Christ who has the words of God?
Am I sharing merely my style as a younger person, or am I sharing the words of God that would be acceptable whether I were 20 years older or my present age? That is the difference that matters.
When I speak, when I open my mouth, what is coming out? Is it something from a brother or sister, or is it merely my style as a younger person? That is what I have to learn in being an example for the believers.
I do not mean that you should change your accent or stop using your own words. But sometimes you realize, “I cannot use that slang, because I would have to explain it to everybody. I cannot reference that show, because nobody over a certain age has seen it.” There are things you might say with your own age group that do not help in a broader gathering.
The important thing is that you have words of God. Like Elihu said, there is the breath of the Almighty. That is what I have to share.
Then there is conduct. Do I live as a believer, or do I merely live like a young person? That was something I had to learn as a teenager. Am I living like a teenager, or am I living like a believer?
That changes whether someone can trust you. If someone acts only their age, or in the typical worldly way of that age, people may not know whether they are trustworthy. But if you earn respect by the way you live—if you are an example for believers—then there is a way through in fellowship.
In a household, a father and mother have to gradually allow freedom and responsibility for their children. When someone turns 16, perhaps they can drive. But if a 16-year-old acts like a 12-year-old, the parents may say, “Let us wait until you are 18.” They may not be sure that the child will survive in the car. They only see them playing Mario Kart and imagine that they will crash everywhere.
But if the child is mature, if they do the things set out in the household, if there is respect for parents and not rebellion, then the parents desire to give as much freedom as possible.
They give a little freedom and see that you are faithful and responsible. You are acting like a 25-year-old instead of a 14-year-old. They say, “I know I can trust my child with this.” That is how you break through that transition.
It is the same in the church. Perhaps they let you lock up the building even though you are 22. But some 22-year-olds may be told, “Do not let that one lock up, because I do not know what they are going to do afterward.” That is a real thing, and I think it is appropriate.
If I am a 22-year-old who acts in a way that creates uncertainty among older brothers and sisters, it does not matter that when they were 22 they had the keys to the building. It is not the age. The question is: are you acting as a model for the believers? That is how we help each other relate.
In love, faith, and purity, these things are also connected with youth. Natural love in younger people is often quite selfish.
When you get older, perhaps especially when you have little children, you may go back to your parents and say, “I am so sorry. I never appreciated anything you did. I was so rude to you. I did not realize how much you loved me. I thought you were dull and socially awkward, but now I appreciate everything about you.”
Later, love becomes less selfish. Sometimes children require you to be selfless because you have to get up and make sure the baby is alive when they are crying. But whatever it is, the love of a believer is selfless love. The love of a young human is often selfish.
If I walk in selfish love, I do not really care about older believers. I see them as a bother, as mean people looking at me in a certain way and going to despise me. I am acting my age.
But if I tap into the love of Christ, I might start praying for them. I probably will. I begin to care about all God’s people, whatever their ages. When you love the believers like that, you are an example for the believers. That overcomes the age barrier and helps everybody see you simply as a brother or sister in Christ.
It is the same in faith. Faith grows. You begin in faith and are born again, but then faith grows from a little child to a young man to a father in the faith.
Where should you be spiritually? If you have had five years, should you be a father in the faith by now? Probably. What are you waiting for? I do not mean an age-wise father, but should you have the spiritual life of a father in the faith, even as a young father in the faith—able to care for the flock and care for the people of God?
If we are not an example in faith, we are just existing as Christians. Because of that, we only act our physical age. People will know us according to the flesh because we are only in the flesh.
But if I walk by faith and grow in faith, people will discover, “There is a young man in the faith. He is strong in the Word, overcoming in life, and overcoming evil.” They discover that because faith is actually growing.
Then there is purity. This is often an issue among younger people, especially before marriage. The way of acting can have a younger style. It can be more flirtatious and less trustworthy.
That is why, in 1 Timothy 5, Paul says of a younger sister, “Relate to her as a sister, in all purity.” Remember that part.
When I was younger, trying to follow the Lord, I related to sisters in a very free and fun way. But I spoke with an older married sister—she seemed very old to me at the time, though she was about 25. I sat and talked with her, gave her great respect, and would never have treated her the way I treated my fellow 18-year-old sisters.
The Lord convicted me through that. From then on, I began to treat every 18-year-old, every 19-year-old, every potential wife, as someone else’s wife—as someone deserving the same respect as that married sister.
That helped me, in all purity, not to act merely my age. The Lord will make up for it. You do not need to shop for your wife or husband or let people know how fun you can be. He will provide.
In all purity, it is an overcoming. People see that there is a trustworthy person—somebody who is a believer and not merely a young person.
In chapter 5, Timothy is told how to relate to different ages. He is in between both ages, so he is in a perfect position to see this reality. He is tempted to despise younger brothers and sisters, and he is also easily despised by older brothers and sisters, especially in Ephesus.
Paul tells him how to relate to an older man and an older woman. He says, “Rebuke not an elder harshly, but exhort him as a father.”
This is a real key. As I relate to an older brother or sister, I am in the house of God. I am being an example for believers. We gather in His name, we are in each other’s lives, we have fellowship, and we do things together. I need to know how to talk to an older man who is the age of my father.
Paul uses the word exhort, which means that as we spend time with each other, I may have something as a younger person to share that is a warning or encouragement for someone older.
It is not enough for a younger brother or sister merely to respect older brothers and sisters. There comes a time when you have to approach, talk, forgive, or speak about something wrong that they did. There may be something the Lord would have them walk in more strongly.
There comes a time when the Lord has placed a measure of Christ in you to encourage an older brother or sister. It may be a time you dread. The Lord may say, “You need to talk to that older brother who is doing something wrong.”
How do you do it? If you have no thought for age and simply say, “In Christ there is no age,” that is true in fellowship. But we have to learn how to conduct ourselves in the household of God.
It is not appropriate to rebuke an older man harshly. This word for harsh rebuke is used only here in the Bible. In other Greek texts, such as the Iliad, it can refer to physically pounding someone on the head. With words, it is like pounding someone on the head with your words.
If someone 20 years younger comes with no respect for your age, when you have experienced so much more, and they speak to you as though you were their age—telling you what you are doing wrong as though they were rebuking their best friend—it is hard to receive.
What is our goal? If the goal is fellowship, we need to make it easier for them to receive. We do not want to walk away and say, “That is just a mean, stubborn old person. I told them what was true, and they are not going to do it. The Lord will deal with them.”
The Lord needs to deal with us if we are not conducting ourselves rightly in the household of God.
The way is to speak as you would to your father. Have you ever had to talk to your dad about something that perhaps should change? You may say, “Dad, Father, what do you think about this? I have been thinking about what we are doing here, or the way we are spending money here.”
Suppose you are in a believing household and long to have a family altar, but your father has not led the way. Do you go to your parents and say, “Why did you never do this? Why did we never have family altar? You neglected my spiritual life”? You have just pounded them on the head. You have rebuked them harshly.
Perhaps a spiritual parent could receive that by grace, but it is unusual, and it is not easy. When someone comes to you wrongly, it hurts. You can take it to the Lord and ask, “Lord, is there any truth in this?” In humility, you may receive it. But that does not mean their approach was appropriate.
Instead, you might say, “What do you all think about having a prayer time or singing time once a week in our family? I think it would be great.” The parents may simply say, “Yes, let us do that. That would be wonderful.”
Many younger children who are believers have helped their parents come into Christ or brought their parents into church gatherings simply because they wanted to go. At conferences, some families are there because the children would not let the parents stay home. That is wonderful.
But the approach is not commanding. It is with respect, as with a father. There is humility in presenting something and recognizing, “I may be wrong. What do you think about this? Is this right?” You are willing to change because you know you could easily be wrong.
Wisdom is embedded in age. There is some wisdom there. Yet sometimes older people need a little extra help. Perhaps they have forgotten something they once knew or once practiced.
We need to respect these brothers and sisters. The fact that they are right with the Lord right now is to be respected. Perhaps their conscience has forgotten something. But how does the Holy Spirit treat us? He is like a dove. He gently brings something up, and He withdraws quickly when rejected.
That is what can happen with mature brothers and sisters who have simply forgotten something that a younger brother or sister has discovered. In fellowship, something is brought back to memory, and they say, “Oh yes, I used to know that.” They are edified and built up.
But if the younger brother or sister does not act like the Holy Spirit and instead acts like Satan—harshly condemning, “Why are you not walking like you should?”—everything is death. There is no fellowship and no blessing for the house of God.
The way is gentleness, like the Holy Spirit. He brings it back up: “Do you remember? Do you remember the way you used to walk?”
Sometimes in fellowship, you can ask an older brother or sister, “Tell me about the good old days. Tell me what it was like when you were this age. Tell me when you were saved.” As they share, memory can come back—Holy Spirit memory, conscience memory. They may remember, “I used to do that.”
They may go home and say, “Lord, I want to do that again. I remember when I used to study the Word. I remember when I used to walk that way.” It is so edifying. It is so encouraging.
Paul says to relate to older women as mothers. It is the same principle. With a child, the mother is often most easily disrespected because she is so full of love. The father is usually scarier. Scripture tells fathers not to exasperate their children because harshness can be a particular problem with fathers.
But with the mother, there is comfort and love. A child can take her for granted, fail to show respect, not listen, and not respond properly.
In the household of God, when we relate to an older sister, we should do so as we would to our mother in the right way. A mother in the right way should not need to give a command twice because you appreciate her love.
The change in a household comes when you discover the love of your mother and that love earns your respect. There is the fear of the father and the love of the mother.
For me, there was a sister at a gospel camp where I was growing spiritually every summer. The camp directors were husband and wife, and the wife was like a mother to all of us.
One time, at what may have been a talent show, some guys and I did a very worldly song that we had baptized. We put Christian words to it, but we did the routine and dance just like a boy band did.
We had it down so well that some young teenagers asked whether the actual group had come to the camp. We were lip-syncing, sort of, but we had changed the words. We thought it was great.
Younger people need freedom in the church. They need freedom and flexibility to express life and sometimes make terrible mistakes, so that they can learn. If we are so worried about mistakes that life never comes out, that is not good either.
So we did this thing. Everybody was singing and shining. Everybody thought it was awesome, and the words were pretty good. But when we got down, this sister was in tears. She spoke with one of us, and her heart was broken.
She saw all those young girls idolizing the boy-band style. The worldliness of it broke her heart. Then all of us had broken hearts. All of us had tears because of the love of that mother in Israel, the love of that mother in the church.
Her broken heart broke our hearts. We repented and learned something valuable. She did not have to demand respect. We saw her as a mother who loved her children. That kind of love naturally comes from someone who prays for people, and she had it.
I remember that vividly. When I see a mother in the church, there is such respect for the love that comes from her.
There are many believers among us who practice this in a good way. I remember coming here to the assembly and being delighted that a number of older brothers and sisters would sit down, fellowship, and talk with me, even though I was 25 or 26. It was as though we were the same age.
I remember especially several people who talked to me as though I were an adult. It made such an impression on me.
I remember our sister Anne Williams, who passed away and went to be with the Lord. She would have Catherine and me over. We were just young nobodies, but she would fellowship with us so much and receive from us. We saw her as a mother.
The respect was not because she could teach us so much, though she would ask Bible questions and share things. The respect was because she received from us and because of her love. The respect was because of love.
Now, relating to somebody younger—though we do not really want to call it relating downward—Paul says to relate to younger men as brothers, not as little brothers.
The key is that they are brothers: peer to peer, brother to brother. Though Timothy may be 15 years younger than you, talk with him as though he is your age. In fellowship, relate to him that way.
One reason I wanted to open the time for testimonies of the Queens Conference was that a 13-year-old brother in our gathering last night was so full of Christ. The conference was on the fullness of Christ. As he began to share, Christ came out.
I was sitting next to him, and I thought, “Wow.” My feet were washed. I said, “That brother is a brother.” I received him as a brother and completely forgot his age in that time.
When you sit down and ask someone to share, look into their eyes, and begin to fellowship, you are seeing them as though they are your age. I do not know if you have to use imagination or not, but there is a way of talking.
Some people talk to a child as though the child were a baby or a dog. Of course, we are not going to do that. But sometimes accidentally, when we talk to a younger person, we are so used to teaching that age group, or so used to that person being like our own children, that we do not know how to bring them up.
We need to learn to bring them up to our age. That is how we conduct ourselves in the house of God. This spiritual skill enables more fellowship.
At a meal, when you ask someone something, you can fellowship in this way. We have brothers and sisters in this room who are slightly older than I am and are very good at doing this with teenagers and people in their twenties. We also have brothers and sisters younger than I am who are excellent at fellowshipping with all ages. I believe the Lord has done this kind of thing.
This is the joy in the family of God. The need is for different ages. The lack in the church is often because we have accidentally cut off fellowship. We have accidentally despised a youth or made it difficult for them to function.
Even those who pray the most may, out of love, accidentally say or do something that makes it difficult for a younger person to function. Then the very lack people see is because we do not have their portion in Christ.
The Lord has a different portion for those in their twenties. They are stronger physically. They are able to do things in life and in their social position that some of the rest of us cannot do. I cannot do things now that I was able to do in my twenties. With little children and limited time, I am hindered.
There are other realms of abilities and inabilities when you are in your sixties, your eighties, or whatever age you are. There is a difference in function in the house of God with different ages.
If we enable each other to fellowship, we will have the portion from all ages. In the family of God, in the household of God, there is joy.
I am so glad to be in the house of God, so glad to be in the family of God, so glad to have a brother and a sister. I am so glad to receive from that 13-year-old who washed my feet by sharing the fullness of Christ. I am so glad to receive from that 70-year-old who shared such wisdom, grace, love, and mercy.
This is the family of God, and it is a wonderful thing. I believe the Lord desires for us, in His house, to enjoy fellowship with all ages and with all brothers and sisters. Let us pray together.
Oh, Lord, we thank You for Your loving heart for Your church and for not leaving us divided up into different ages or other things. You have put us in the family of God. You give us older brothers and older sisters, younger brothers and younger sisters, and those who are our own age.
Lord, You delight in this. You delight in Your family, and You delight in the household of God.
Lord, we bring these things before You. We especially desire, in our own midst, that we could receive the portion from all the saints. Bring us into more and more enjoyment of the fellowship of the brothers and sisters.
May we receive that portion that has been hidden, that portion that has been hindered and had a difficult way. Lord, break through. Release us from any unnecessary barriers, and bring us into the joy of fellowship in the family of God.
In Jesus’ name, amen.