I will be brief, knowing that you are anxious to return home.
The first question concerns a fellowship with a long tradition of “head of the household” leadership. Although many matters are discussed, one senior brother makes the final decision and arranges the Sunday speakers. He is respected, but this leadership pattern does not seem biblical, because one person makes all the decisions. If the senior leader does not want to change, what can the brothers do to make the leadership healthier?
When you are in that kind of situation, I think the only thing you can do is pray. We believe that God hears our prayer. Pray that God would give that leader an understanding of what the Bible teaches.
No one can change another person’s mind, but God can. So, if you are in that situation, I would say, pray, and expect God to listen to your prayer.
He may either touch the heart of the leader, enabling him to see that what he was doing was not according to the Word, or He may remove him. The Bible shows us that Christ is the Head; but aside from Him, those who are in leadership are always plural.
In other words, no one is to stand as the head. You are only the neck, but you are never the head.
When anyone tries to do that, and brothers and sisters are praying, either the Lord will give that brother an understanding that what he did was not scriptural, and he will be willing to bring other brothers into leadership with him, or the Lord will remove him.
The second question concerns brothers deciding issues together. Finding the Lord’s mind on specific matters can seem subjective and personal. How do we encourage one another through these difficulties and patiently await the result?
As human beings, we are apt to have our own opinions. Once an opinion is formed, it is very difficult to change it.
When brothers are serving together, there may be one brother who has formed his own opinion and will not change. No matter how they pray and no matter how they wait, he always maintains his own opinion.
If this is the case, I think the only thing to do is ask the Lord to remove that brother.
I always remember a story Lance Lambert told me. In the beginning, there was a brother who always insisted on his own opinion. They had agreed that they would not move until all agreed, but he never agreed. He always wanted his own opinion.
Finally, Lance told me that Lady Ogle and others were praying. Lady Ogle was a very short, small person, but she was a woman of prayer. Lance said that when she prayed, it was like thunder.
This lady prayed that the Lord would remove that brother, and within a week, that brother passed away.
In serving the Lord, it is such a heavenly thing that we cannot be earthly and maintain our own opinion. We have to be flexible before the Lord, and the Lord will honor such humility.
If a brother is proud of himself and sets himself up as the head, sooner or later the Lord will remove him. I think this is very serious.
The third question concerns a church with many Chinese-speaking brothers and sisters. When living in an English-speaking country, should meetings be conducted in English? Should Chinese signs be removed, and should Chinese hymns cease to be taught in Sunday school?
I think this is a real problem for Chinese people in this country. When I first came here, I met with a few brothers and sisters, mostly Americans. Many whom I knew in China came and worked among the Chinese, and I often argued with them. I said, “We are in America; therefore, our language should be English.”
But they did not believe me. So, in this country, there are a number of Christians meeting together who speak Chinese. But you know the result: when the young people grow up, they all speak English. This has caused a big problem among Chinese groups, and they are looking everywhere for someone who speaks English and can help the young people.
It is very true that, for us Chinese to come to this country and try to speak English, it is not natural; it is supernatural. But God expects us to do that.
You cannot bring a Chinese church into another country. Wherever God puts you, the language there is what you need to use.
Now, it is difficult. I must confess that, because I was Chinese when I first came to this country. I remember sisters would counsel me, saying, “Brother, now you have come to America. You have to speak English.”
I prayed about it, and the Lord told me, “Who made your tongue?” On that basis, I started to speak English. The first time I spoke English, it was short, but that is how it began.
Thank God for Dr. Stewart. After I spoke, he would always try to help correct where I was wrong in my English. That was a great help.
Brothers and sisters, if the Lord sends you to another country, you need to know that you cannot transport your Chinese into another country. You have to learn to speak the language of the land.
I know it is difficult, because I have gone through it. But God is able to do it, and if we try to obey God, I believe that is the thing we must do.
Even in Sunday school, I would say we should teach these children English. As a matter of fact, if they grow up in this country, they speak English. If you try to teach them Chinese alone, it is unnatural to them.
Sooner or later, after they grow up, they will leave, because they feel they are foreigners among you.
I am thankful my American brother asked that last question. I will not spend a long time on this, because we want to pray for one another before we go. But I want to thank the Lord for this precious occasion.
I cannot think of anything more wonderful than to be together with 110 men who love the Lord and worship Him together. It was a privilege to be here with you all. I do not know, or imagine, that we will ever do this again, but the fact that we did it this time has great value in my heart.
It encourages me greatly to see what the Lord is doing and to hear people being refreshed in fellowship. There was so much impossible about this gathering. The only dates we could find were Sunday night, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. That made it almost impossible to come.
Then, of course, the Lord added a nice thunderstorm, cancelled a number of flights, and we had no electricity on the first morning. What a wonderful time!
Through all of that, somehow our dear brother Kit had to go up to New York—my hometown—just to get down here. What a journey we have all had. I hope you feel, as I do, that it was profitable and helpful.
As you can see, we do not have all the answers. Every assembly here is in transition of some sort. We have been talking about the Chinese-English transition, but we are all in transition. I hope the transition is from the natural to the spiritual.
We have been gathered by the Lord, and He is so gracious. He gathers carnal people together, even people who have a heart for the Lord. I think that is the key.
Sometimes we are so full of ourselves. We are too smart, and our will is too strong. But if we have a heart for the Lord, and the Lord sees that heart, He can break the will and change the mind.
To be with brothers who have such a heart for the Lord is a precious thing to me. I am on board with you. I am as Chinese as you are, and you can be as American as I am. We are one. I do not sense any differentiation.
Praise God that we could be together and hear wisdom gleaned from 104 years—speaking the truth in love.
The first question is based on Matthew 10:37:
He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me;
and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.
How do we apply this verse in service, especially when wives may not serve with the same heart or pace? How do we avoid resentment from a spouse who feels neglected, or who feels that time with her and the children has been sacrificed?
Let me put this in a larger dimension. This verse is Jesus speaking to His disciples. It declares a reality in the kingdom of God. If you serve in the kingdom of God—not merely in the church, but in the kingdom under the King—then He demands absolute loyalty.
It is Him alone. It is not Him first; it is Him alone. The wife, the children, and whatever loved ones there may be—the Lord is first and only. If we do not settle this clearly, the devil will use circumstances to compromise our lives.
The Lord is not looking for first place. He is the King, full stop. If the King tells you to jump off the cliff, you jump off the cliff. If the Lord tells you to give up your son on an altar, you give him up. This is a King.
Yet we need to balance this with the gracious love of the Lord in the church. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
The Lord, who is our King, is fully aware of the dynamics of marriage. The verse that always speaks to me is 1 Peter 3:7-8:
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way,
as with someone weaker, since she is a woman,
and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life,
so that your prayers will not be hindered.
To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit.
We are to be kindhearted, humble, and loving in spirit, and to enjoy together the grace of life. This is a precious possession given to us by the grace of God in marriage. Do you think the Lord says to ignore that? No.
Here is the matter: we live in a constant tension between our life and our service. There are seasons when the Lord calls for real cross-bearing and self-sacrifice.
There may be seasons in your fellowship when you need to go nightly to the house of God and pray with the brothers over some spiritual oppression or conflict. You may have to pray every night, even all night long, leaving your wife and children at home. But that would be for a season.
The Lord does not intend that you should maintain a schedule that leaves your wife and children out. If you do, you are doing something wrong, because you are ignoring the fact that the Lord wants you to be joint heirs of the grace of life.
Every married brother has faced this tension. Sometimes a wife resents that you are away or not with the children. In one sense, you have to bear the cross, because this is part of the cost of being responsible.
But the real key is bringing your wife into things. I do not mean bringing her into all the problems of the fellowship. There are difficulties in serving God, but God gives grace to the servant to handle those difficulties. That does not mean He has given grace to your wife to handle every difficulty if you tell her all of it.
The phrase “joint heirs of the grace of life” has this punchline: “Your prayers will not be hindered.” The key is to pray with your wife. Involve her, at least in praying for your family. It makes such a difference.
If you are praying with your wife, your prayers will not be hindered. By the grace of God, she will understand. If you serve the Lord in the fear of the Lord, while also loving your wife and children, she will see it.
The Lord has put you together with a helpmeet, one who was born to help you and hold you up.
Let us hold on to these two things. First, you must be absolutely loyal to the King. He may send you hither and yon, and when He does, be willing to go. The Lord will take care of your family.
Second, remember that you are to enjoy the grace of life as joint heirs at home. When you are home, bring your wife into that grace of life.
This brings me to another topic. You know the verse in 1 Peter 5 that says:
Casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He careth for you.
My father was saved at fifty years old. He was a psychiatrist, trained at Harvard, and had practiced psychiatry for years. After he was saved, I asked him, “Dad, how do you do it? How do you speak with people considering suicide, people in deep depression and mental anguish, and then live a normal life?”
Basically, he said, “I have to cast the cares of that counseling session away and just become a human again.”
He had a private psychiatric practice, and his office was in our home. Every hour, ten minutes before the next patient arrived, he would come upstairs and go into his bedroom. Then, at the next hour, he would go downstairs to meet the next patient.
What did he do to survive? He studied Chinese.
When he was five years old, his father moved to Peking Medical College, and my father lived there for five years. Not wanting to lose his Chinese, he studied the characters. He could speak fluently, and at a state hospital he was often the only person who could communicate with Chinese patients.
That was his relaxation. It was the practical way he cast his cares upon the Lord.
What is the verse before “casting all your cares upon Him”? It is this: “Humble yourselves.”
The person who carries the burden of the Lord upon himself is mighty proud. Do you think you can handle that? It is a crushing weight.
Brothers, we need to bear those responsibilities, but we need to humble ourselves and say, “Lord, I have to cast these things on You.” If you are going to live a normal life, you have to do that.
Otherwise, you will walk around the house jittery, impatient, and yelling at your wife, when it has nothing to do with her. You have not cast those cares upon the Lord, who cares for you.
Do not take all that stuff home. Do not tell your wife who said bad things about you and all of that. No, no, no.
With your wife, it should be a beautiful thing: joint heirs of the grace of life. This is a beautiful, beautiful thing. The Lord wants you to live it out.
We see it in Ephesians 5. He wants you to be as tenderhearted to her as He is to us. Keep these two things in mind: you are in the kingdom, and you are in a family. They are not opposites.
The second question concerns assemblies facing strong influences from both traditional Christianity and charismatic movements. What should be done in order to continue walking in the way revealed by the Lord?
For this, I would simply turn to Revelation 2:14-16, where the Lord speaks to the church in Pergamum:
But I have a few things against thee, because thou hast there some that hold the teaching of Balaam,
who taught Balak to cast a stumbling-block before the children of Israel,
to eat things sacrificed to idols, and to commit fornication.
So hast thou also some that hold the teaching of the Nicolaitans in like manner.
Repent therefore; or else I come to thee quickly,
and I will make war against them with the sword of My mouth.
As we have discussed the Lord recovering His reality, is there a foundation of truth in the assembly? Do people know the truth? Is there a testimony of the Lord and a light upon the lampstand of your assembly?
If these things are there and functioning, and if you understand the mystery of godliness, as we discussed from 1 Timothy 3, then when something comes in from outside, you can immediately sense that something is wrong. Something is off.
As DeVern Fromke said, the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.
Pergamum, in the midst of great anguish, began holding to teachings rather than holding to the Head. Our word is this: let us hold fast the Head, our Lord Jesus Christ.
The teaching of the Nicolaitans is basically one-man rule over the people. The teaching of Balaam amounts to making profit out of Christian things. But apart from the particular errors involved, I think it is wrong to hold to a teaching. We have to hold on to Christ as our Head.
Recently, there has been a resurgence of Reformed theology—the TULIP, predestination, and all of this. Why are people interested? The flesh is always itching for something, some intellectual crumb that can make us more knowledgeable than others.
Predestination is clearly in the Word of God, but Calvinism is not in the Word of God. When somebody holds to a teaching like that, they are eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and it brings division.
I remember being at Pacific Lutheran in Tacoma. I saw a young woman who had been in the young people’s group years before. I invited her into the meeting, but she refused. She said, “I cannot go into the meeting and hear Brother Kong.” When I asked why, she said, “Because he is not Calvinist.”
She had gone to a school in Philadelphia and picked up a particular Westminster brand of Calvinism. She would not go into the meeting. What kind of unity of the Spirit is expressed in that?
That teaching had something fleshly in it, and she was proud of her newfound theology. A little theology is a dangerous thing. People like to grab hold of such things.
It is the same with charismatic movements. If an assembly has a foundation of truth and the light of His testimony, then gifts of the Spirit should function as well, if we are living in the fullness of the Holy Spirit. But we do not have to be charismaniacs.
A charismatic, in the way that term is usually expressed, is someone who has taken his eyes off Christ-centredness and shifted to a pursuit of the Holy Spirit. Once again, they are holding to a teaching.
Such pursuits can lead people who truly love the Lord into strange things. I recently read about “grave soaking.” People travel to the burial sites of spiritual giants, lie on their graves, and seek an anointing.
I saw a picture of a sister holding on to C. S. Lewis’s gravestone, praying for an anointing. Others fall on John Wesley’s grave to receive his spirit. They draw this from the account of the man who fell into Elisha’s grave and came to life.
If you are travelling to England to grave-soak, I think you are off a little bit. You are off centre. Christ is the fullness of life. Get under Him and under His throne; receive the Holy Spirit. You do not need to get soaked by some dead brother’s bones.
The distraction in Pergamum was that people were holding to this teaching or that teaching, and not holding fast to the Head, who is Christ.
There may be an aspect of Calvinism that is true, and there may be an aspect of charismatic teaching that is true. But we do not buy a package. We hold on to that which is good, and the rest we assess before the Lord.
Some have been harmed by emotional experiences. In the Toronto Blessing, people laughed, made animal noises, barked like dogs, or fell on the ground while others were trying to preach. They called it refreshing, but often it became an addiction of the soul to ever-greater experiences.
There is something true about prayer-reading: reading the Word of God together and thanking God for it. But when it is taken to extremes and made into a practice, it can become habit-forming. People need more and more yelling and shouting to satisfy the soul.
It can become soulish and emotional exhibitionism instead of spiritual exercise. The early church in Acts was not a circus. People were filled with the Spirit, and people shouted “Amen.” It was full-hearted, but it was not forced.
That is not true Spirit-fullness. I have seen many people whose souls were damaged by experiences in the past.
I was in a fellowship on Long Island for twenty years. There was a dear brother who always opposed the recognition of responsible brothers. He would say, “No, no, no. We are all brothers together.” In time, I learned that his family had been divided and broken by the local church.
His brother continued to serve there but would not speak or fellowship with him. His parents were cut off. He had gone through such a traumatic experience that anything resembling authority made his ears rise like a watchdog’s.
Sometimes that stubborn brother in the assembly has had his soul badly hurt by former religious experience. That is why he may be the way he is.
We should continue to reason and fellowship together, praying that the Lord will heal that hurt. Religious trauma can make a person irrational on a particular point, and it needs to be healed so that he can trust the Lord.
A stubborn person may believe that he is the watchdog who has to keep things faithful. He believes, “I am going to be faithful. I do not care what anybody else does.” But when you get into that position, you are all alone. It is much too great a responsibility. We have to go back on the Lord.
What I am trying to say is this: keep Christ as the centre, but make sure that your assemblies are living assemblies. When an assembly is dead with doctrine, enticing things come in because people say, “I need refreshing. I need something. This is not filling my need.”
We should be on our knees asking the Lord to give us life, so that our children can see the life and we can live in the life. When there is real life, there is not the same hunger to go outside the fellowship for something else.
The final question is this: How can responsible brothers transition away from merely discussing and deciding according to their own understanding, and toward truly seeking and finding the Lord’s mind on issues?
I was reminded of a brother’s testimony yesterday. He was encouraged by the fact that David continually inquired of the Lord.
Not every administrative decision needs to be taken to the throne. Who is going to unlock the door on Sunday morning? You do not need to say, “Lord, we come to You.” You can make those decisions.
But when there are burdens, problems, and situations, the Lord is sharing His burden with responsible brothers. That burden needs to be brought into the Holy of Holies, not merely discussed as an intellectual matter.
In the natural life of an assembly, there are many minor details. But when there are burdens and situations, this is the time to go into the throne room.
I loved what our brother said yesterday: the neck needs to express the feelings of the body to the Head. The brothers need to take the burdens of the body to the Lord and say, “Lord, what shall we do?”
Moses fell on his face before the Lord and said, “Lord, these people are murmuring again. You gave them food; now they want more water. You gave them water; now they want quail. Lord, these are Your people.”
Moses was expressing the feelings of the congregation. We can only do that before the throne. If we are the neck, we need to let the Lord know what the saints are saying and then say, “Lord, we do not know what to do.”
Then we have moved to another level. We are no longer merely discussing intellectual matters and weighing things. There needs to be a waiting before the Lord: “Lord, we are sensing something. What are You saying right now?”
Even distributing ministry is a spiritual matter. Who is going to share in the meeting on Sunday? It should not be merely a rotation—“You go, then you go.” We should ask the Lord.
In Acts 6, when the Greek-speaking widows were not being fed, the apostles did not simply make an executive decision. They went to the Lord and found His mind.
They told the people:
Look ye out therefore, brethren, from among you seven men of good report,
full of the Spirit and of wisdom,
whom we may appoint over this business.
They got that from the throne. Whatever level the brothers are on in their meetings, there needs to be a level beyond executive decisions. There should be spiritual issues in every assembly that need to be brought before the Lord.
“What time is it, Lord? What are You doing?”
I once went to Halford House, where Lance Lambert was, for their prayer and Bible week. At the beginning of every year, I believe in January, they gathered for one week and prayed, “Lord, give us a word for this year. Is there something prophetic that we can claim?”
They met morning, afternoon, and evening. The whole assembly prayed for a week: “Lord, what are You saying? What are we doing? Are we pleasing to You? Is Christ the centre? Is there something we need to change? Is there something coming up?”
The Lord gave them a word every year, and they brought it before the Lord, saying, “Lord, fulfil us according to Your word.” It gave them direction for the coming year.
Could our saints meet every night for a week? That could be tricky. But at least we should have that sense that there are times when we need to come before the Lord and ask, “What time is it in our assembly? Are You saying something to us? Are there steps we can take to please You?”
That takes more than executive decisions. It takes going into the throne room. God bless the assembly whose brothers are in the throne. It makes the Head able to express His feelings back to the congregation, and it gives great value to those brothers.
That is the end of our questions. Before we leave, we want to pray for one another.
There are thirty-nine fellowships represented here—from the West Coast, Canada, the Southeast, the Northeast, the Midwest, and even Texas. It is marvellous that the Lord has gathered us together for these days.
We cannot go through every region and ask about every need and problem, because we all experience the same problems in every place. The enemy wants to come in like a flood, and the Holy Spirit is raising up a standard.
We need to be awake as overseers and watchful over the fellowship, because our enemy wants to do evil and the Lord wants us to overcome. This is overseeing.
Every assembly needs eyes that can see and be watchful, as the Lord said to Sardis:
Be thou watchful, and stablish the things that remain, which were ready to die.
We are not only overseers; we are shepherds. How our children and young people need shepherding.
One of the great blessings to me in reading about shepherding is the threefold charge: feeding the lambs, shepherding the sheep, and feeding the sheep. Is that not a challenge in our assemblies?
Who can do that except our Shepherd? Yet, as responsible brothers, we need not only to shepherd, but also to encourage the rest of the saints to shepherd according to the measure of grace, gift, and knowledge of God that they have.
How we need shepherding—healthy sheep who grow up able to hear the Master’s voice. This is a wonderful thing.
When all is said and done, we are not only overseers and shepherds, but elders. Brothers, I hope you have the character of Christ, so that when people need to see a standard, somehow they can see Christ in you.
People are greatly encouraged when they see a man with godly character sacrificing for their sake.
Our dear brothers in Flushing and Manhattan are not being paid. They are laying down their lives. Some are doing it in such a godly way that it is a testimony to the whole church.
This is what it means to be a living sacrifice. I can smell the aroma of the sacrifice of their lives, and it is precious in the sight of God.
We need to pray for one another, that we may truly be elders who manifest the character of Christ; that we may shepherd; that we may ask the Great Shepherd to watch over us; and that we may be the overseers He wants us to be.
Why do we not pray as the Spirit leads, praying for one another? Pray for your own assemblies, but perhaps you were touched by the testimony of a brother from another assembly and want to pray specifically. Feel free.
Let us intercede one for another, because we are all in the same place. We need the Lord’s help in these last days.
Lord, we are so aware that You are the Great Shepherd, our Overseer, and our Elder Brother. Lord, we need Your help.
There are assemblies here on the edge of extinction. There are other assemblies that are growing, but not growing spiritually. There are others that have become stuck, and some have many older people but no young people. There are all kinds of needs.
As You place these matters in our minds, Lord, give us an intercessory heart. As we bring them before Your throne, we come into the throne room through the precious blood of Jesus Christ and make our petitions on behalf of one another.
Not even for ourselves for the moment, but on behalf of one another. Help us to pray in this hour of prayer, in Jesus’ name. Amen.