Please turn to Ephesians, the letter to the Ephesians, Chapter 5. We will begin with Ephesians 5:21 and continue through Ephesians 6:4.
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is Head of the assembly; and He is Saviour of the body.
But even as the assembly is subject unto Christ, so also let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.Husbands, love your own wives, even as also the Christ loved the assembly, and delivered Himself up for it;
in order that He might sanctify it, purifying it by the washing of water by the Word,
that He might present the assembly to Himself glorious, having no spot or wrinkle, or any of such things; but that it might be holy and blameless.So ought men also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loves his own wife loves himself.
For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as also the Christ the assembly;
for we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones.Because of this, a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall be united to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh.
This mystery is great, but I speak as to Christ, and as to the assembly.
But ye also, every one of you, let each one love his own wife as himself; and as to the wife, that she may fear the husband.Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is just.
Honour thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise,
that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest be long-lived on the earth.
And ye fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and admonition of the Lord.
Dear Lord, we do thank Thee for Thy precious Word, for Thy living Word. We just pray, Lord, that Thou wilt open our hearts and open our understanding, that we may be brought into the real power of Thy living Word; that we may truly be transformed in our family life and may glorify Thy name. We ask in Thy precious name. Amen.
Now, this morning we would like to share together on this matter of spiritual exercise and our family life. I will begin with a story.
Hudson Taylor—I think probably most of you know his name—was the one greatly used by God in opening up the gospel to inland China. I will be talking about his grandfather.
When his grandfather was a young man, he was a carefree young man, not a very religious one. But one day he was going to be married. That morning, when he got up, he suddenly thought that he would be married that day, and he suddenly felt that this was a great responsibility.
So he went to the field to pray. He prayed and prayed and prayed. He forgot the time. Actually, it was already noon, and the bride and the friends were all waiting there. They wondered, “Where was the bridegroom?”
When he finished praying, it was already noon. He suddenly remembered, “Well, this is the time I was to be married.” So he rushed to the church building and got married.
During the evening, when he and his new wife were going to bed, he told his wife, “We have to pray.” So he knelt down and pressed his new wife down too, and he started to pray.
Now, his wife was really in shock, because she wondered what was happening. They loved dancing. They loved the world. Now, suddenly, she realized that maybe she had married a Methodist. But that is how they started their life together.
And, you know, for generations, that family served the Lord. Hudson Taylor was the grandson, and now it is, I think, Hudson Taylor’s fourth generation that is serving the Lord.
Marriage and family life are a big problem today. We find this problem not only among worldly people; we find this problem among God’s people.
Many books are written. Many advisers offer good advice. But they do not solve the problem, because all these things are on the surface—superficial.
As I meditated before the Lord, I felt that probably the reason is that we have forgotten what God said about family.
We, as God’s people, take family as something earthly, as something natural, as something that we can manage ourselves. To put it another way, we consider family as mine: “It is my castle.”
We try to have family life by our own natural life. We know what to do. It seems as if we are naturally born to be fathers, naturally born to be mothers, naturally born to be husbands, naturally born to be wives, and naturally born to be children. We know how to behave, and we use our wisdom, our experience, and everything that we have, trying our best to build up our family.
Did it ever occur to you: What is God’s concept of family? What is God’s purpose for family?
As you read of the creation of man, we find in Genesis 1:27 that God created man in His own image. In His own image He created him; male and female He created them.
In other words, when God created man, He created man as male and female. To put it another way, He had a family in view.
Now, we often think that we are created individually—one, and one, and one. We forget that when God created man, man is a corporate being. He is male and female, and they are joined into one flesh.
When you read Genesis 2:18, the Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helpmeet, his like.” And God made the woman out of man and brought them together.
Why is it that it is not good for man to be alone? Usually, we take it this way: because man has needs, so he needs to have his needs satisfied. In other words, we look at God’s Word purely from our viewpoint.
If we take that kind of viewpoint, no wonder we find that the family situation today is so serious and terrible.
Why did God say, “It is not good for man to be alone”? Because, in God’s creative purpose, He does not want to create a man all by himself. He wants to create a man that is a union of male and female.
In other words, the Adam He created was only one half, and because it was one half, it was not complete. Not only was it not complete, but it could never fulfill God’s purpose in creating man.
God’s purpose in creating man is so noble that no one person can fulfill it. It takes a family to fulfill it. That is the reason why God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.”
Family, in the sight of God, is holy. By “holy,” it means that it is something separate. It is not worldly, not earthly; it is something spiritual and heavenly.
Oftentimes, we forget that family is holy. We treat it as if it were natural, and at the same time we try to solve every family problem with our natural wisdom, experience, and goodwill. But we find that it is something beyond us.
So I think, first of all, when we are talking about family life, we need to see that family does not originate with man. It originates with God, and God has a definite purpose in having families, because He wants the family to be used by Him to fulfill His purpose.
First of all, I feel that when we are considering family life, we need to see that there is a need for spiritual exercise. I wonder if we have ever exercised our spirit concerning our family.
Do we really seek the Lord when we are seeking for a mate? Do you consider your family as your family, or do you consider the family as the Lord’s, and the Lord as being for the family? I think there is a basic concept that we need to change.
If we really see that family is from God and family is for God, then we will see right away that we cannot have family life by our own natural self-life. How our self-life needs to be dealt with!
There is only one way to really fulfill family life: we have to live it by the life of Christ, not by ourselves.
I wonder if this thought has ever come to our mind. Just as our personal life as Christians cannot be lived by our natural self-life, so, in like manner, our family life cannot be fulfilled unless we are willing to enter into family life by the life of Christ instead of by our own life. It is just as important as it is in individual living.
Brothers and sisters, as I waited upon the Lord, I felt there is a concept that needs to be adjusted. We need to see our family as the Lord’s, not as merely ourselves.
What we benefit from the family is the by-product. What God benefits from, if I can put it that way, is the primary reason for family. Our family is His, not ours.
If we take that stand, I believe there will be a tremendous change in our family life.
You remember Joshua, the one who led the children of Israel into the promised land. In his old age, he challenged the children of Israel: “Whom will you be living for?”
He said, “If you want to live for the idols of the Egyptians, or even the idols of the Canaanites—but as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.”
I think this is the basic principle of family. Why do I have a family? How do I live as a member of the family, whether as a husband, a wife, mother, father, child, or sibling? How do we live our family life?
The first thing we need to see is that our family exists for one reason: to serve the Lord.
We usually think that our families serve us, serve our purpose. How wrong we are. We need to see that, first of all, our family is to serve God’s purpose. If this is true, then you cannot live your family life with your natural self-life.
That is the reason why I feel there is a need for us to return to the basic principles in the Bible. How can we restore our family life as God purposes it?
Now, in the work of God, there is an order. God governs this world with an order—not only government, but also the family.
Here you find in 1 Corinthians 11:3 that Christ is the Head of every man, the head of the woman is the man, and the Head of Christ is God.
The basis of divine order has already been demonstrated by Christ Jesus.
So far as life is concerned, the Son shares the same life as the Father. He said, “I and the Father are one.” He is the fullness of the Godhead; all the fullness of the Godhead dwells in Him bodily. They are equal, and to be equal with God is not something that He has to grasp at. It is His.
So far as life is concerned, They are equal. But for the sake of the work of God, our Lord Jesus emptied Himself. He took the form of a bondservant.
Throughout His life on earth, His life principle was to submit, to obey His Father—to the extent that He was obedient even unto death, and death, the death of the cross.
He fully demonstrates to us that divine order: how He put Himself completely under the authority of His Father. He even said that He had no right to say anything; He could only say what He had heard His Father say. He could not do anything by Himself unless He saw His Father doing it.
Even His time was not His. He waited for the time that His Father had ordained. He shows us that it is not a matter of life; it is a matter of order.
Brothers and sisters, there is a kind of misunderstanding: Why should the husband be the head of the family? Why should the wife submit to the husband? Are we not equal?
Is it not true that oftentimes sisters are more spiritual than brothers? It is a common thing. The wife is usually more spiritual than the husband. So why should God ordain that the husband is to be the head of the family and the wife is to be the body of the family, to carry out the things that need to be done?
Why? Is it not unequal? Now, we are thinking of equality. No, because so far as life is concerned, God’s grace knows no prejudice. It is not because you are a man that you have to be more spiritual. No, oftentimes it is just the opposite.
Life is the same. It is for the sake of the work; it is for the sake of the family, that the family may accomplish God’s purpose. You need cooperation.
Naturally speaking, everybody wants to be the boss. “Why should I be under anybody? Why should I submit myself to anyone?” We all want to be the boss. You know, that is human nature.
Look at the disciples of our Lord Jesus. Even though they came from a humble background, you find that they were always fighting among themselves over who was the greatest. They wanted authority; they did not want submission.
Our Lord Jesus had to teach them again and again—not only by words, but by example. He took a little child and put him in their midst, and He said, “If you are not converted as a little child, you cannot enter into the kingdom of God. The greatest in the kingdom is like this little child.”
Naturally, we do not want submission; we want authority. This is not only true in family life; it is also true in the church. We do not want God’s order, because we want to be the boss.
But the way to authority is through submission.
This is why I feel that when you read Ephesians 5, usually you begin the family section at Ephesians 5:22. That is the way you find it divided in the Bible.
Before that, you find how we need to live before the Lord, how we need to be thankful to the Lord, how we need to sing psalms to the Lord, and all these things. Then you find the section on family. We usually put Ephesians 5:21 with the preceding paragraph. Why? Because we feel it does not seem to fit anything.
If you compare Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3, you find that this verse is not there in Colossians 3. “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ” is not in Colossians 3. Colossians 3 ends with thanking God, and then another paragraph begins with wives.
Now, where do you put Ephesians 5:21? To me, I feel that this verse should, naturally—or should I say supernaturally?—be the beginning of Ephesians 5:22.
How can a wife submit to her husband? How can a husband be the head of the family? The way to it is Ephesians 5:21: by submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.
Unless Christ comes in, the wife can never be one who submits to the husband, nor can the husband ever be the right authority. The husband will abuse his authority, thinking that he is the authority: “So listen to me.” That is despotism.
And the wife says, “Who are you that I must submit to you? I know more than you do.” That is natural. We all do that.
But remember: family is supernatural. Because of this, the only way to live our family life is supernatural. It has to come from above. It has to be Christ.
Christ, by His example, tells us that He comes into authority through submission.
God has highly exalted Him and given Him a name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.
As a matter of fact, it is harder to be authority than to submit. When you submit, the responsibility is not yours. But when you exercise authority, my, it is your responsibility.
It is equally true: not because it is easier to be authority or easier to submit. Naturally, we cannot do either. We need the life of Christ.
So you find family life starts with submitting to one another in the fear of Christ. When we consider ourselves, we cannot submit. But if you have the fear of Christ, then submission will be our supernaturally natural reaction.
Christ is the Head of both men and women. God has made Him Head over all things.
The fear of Christ here is not the fear we usually think of. The fear we usually think of is the fear of a slave, because he is a slave and is afraid of his master. What is he afraid of? He is afraid of punishment.
But this is the fear of a son. It is the fear that Christ has toward His Father, and this fear is not negative at all. There is no punishment in it.
It is the fear lest He should displease the Father whom He loves. That is the fear.
So far as fear of punishment is concerned, the Bible says that perfect love casts out fear. There is no fear of punishment in perfect love. But there is the fear of God, the fear of Christ, that we as God’s children must have.
We are afraid that we may displease Him. We want to please Him, and we are very careful lest we displease Him.
If this is the spirit within us—the fear of Christ—then submission is the thing to do. The man wants to submit himself to the woman, and the woman wants to submit herself to the man. They are not thinking of taking authority by themselves, because Christ is the authority. They want to please the Lord.
Brothers and sisters, there is a spirit that we all must have. This is not only true in the family; it is also true in the church.
As our brother Nee said, when you go to the church, you do not seek to see over whom you have authority. Rather, you come to see, “To whom should I submit?” That is the right attitude, because it is the attitude of Christ. He submitted Himself willingly, gladly, joyfully, to His Father.
Having the spirit of submission means having the love of Christ in us, with the life of Christ manifested in our lives. We learn that our spirit is a spirit of submission. We are not trying to lord it over everybody; we are willing to submit ourselves.
With that kind of spirit, that is where divine order is produced.
Then the husband, in the fear of Christ, trembles before the Lord and says, “Lord, it is Your will that I be the head of the family. I dare not do it of myself. I have to seek; I have to know what is Your will.”
This is the right way to exercise authority—to be the head of the family. The same thing is true with the wife. You think of Christ. As Christ submitted Himself to God the Father, so with the same spirit you are willing to submit, in order that you may work together as one.
Otherwise, how can two people be together? How can any work be done if each becomes the head? Where is the body? All that the head wants to do is to be done through the body. The body is to express and manifest the glory of the head.
To me, I feel that if you read carefully, Ephesians 5:21 should precede Ephesians 5:22 in the family life. If we can be in that kind of spirit, naturally the order will appear.
The husband is to be the head of the family. But remember, to be the head of the family, he has to be submitted to Christ. Otherwise, he has no right and no ability to be the head of the family.
As husbands, we should be humble. We should tremble before the Lord lest we misrepresent Christ. As to the wife, the same thing is true. We submit not to men; we submit to Christ.
If we can see it that way, then you will find that family life will be beautiful. There will be harmony. They will work together, and the work will be done.
Just as you find in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, two are better than one, and a threefold cord cannot be broken. Brothers and sisters, that is the glory of the family: they work together in order to serve God.
Family is not limited just to husband and wife. In a family there are parents and children. So you find that Scripture gives us instruction concerning children.
“Children, obey your parents,” because this is just the right thing to do. “Honour your father and mother,” because this is the first commandment with promise.
Maybe here you can see a little difference. It says, “Children, obey your parents.” There is a difference between obedience and submission. Submission is an attitude; obedience is an act.
So far as God is concerned, in our relationship with God, we submit absolutely and we obey absolutely, because He is God.
But with no human being do we find in the Bible that we should submit and obey completely. No. To human beings, we need to have the spirit of submission, but God does not demand that we obey in everything.
Why? Because when obeying God and obeying man are in conflict, you have to obey God.
Just like the disciples: when Peter, James, and John were before the council, the highest authority in Judaism, they were forbidden to preach in the name of the Lord Jesus. What did they do? They said, “We have to preach. To obey God or to obey man—which is right?”
But it says, “Children, obey your parents.” To put it another way, the children here especially speaks of minors. When you are not grown up yet, when you are still a minor in the family, you are under your parents. Then you should obey, because you cannot decide for yourself.
Take, for instance, our Lord Jesus. When He was twelve years old, He went to the temple. He became a son of the law. In other words, He had a right in the temple and in the city to ask questions and to answer questions.
When His earthly parents returned home, He stayed in the temple. After three days, His earthly parents found Him and said, “Why did You do that?” He said, “Must I not be occupied with My Father’s business?”
But did He stay in the temple and refuse to go home? No. The Bible says He obeyed His earthly parents and went with them. Why? He was dependent. He had to not only submit, but even obey.
But then you find, “Honour your father and mother.” Probably this refers especially to those who are grown up. You are independent now. You think that you do not need your parents anymore. Well, you have a responsibility to honour your father and mother.
To honour them is to respect them and to provide for them, because this is the first commandment with promise. You will have a long life.
Brothers and sisters, as children, naturally we are rebellious. That is our natural life. We want to be on our own, our own boss. We rebel against anything that seems to contradict us.
But as minors, as dependents, learn to obey your parents. When you are grown up, still they are your parents, and you have to honour them. You may not obey them or do what they want you to do, but your attitude needs to be submissive.
Do not try to say, “Well, you are all fools.” No. You have to respect them and honour them.
When I read the Scripture, there is something that puzzles me. I do not know if it has puzzled you. When it talks about parents, both in Ephesians and in Colossians, it talks only about the fathers, not the mothers—as if the mothers have no role and do not need to be instructed. It is strange.
I do not know the real answer, but so far as I can see, I think on the one hand it is because the man, the husband, is the head of the family. Therefore, he is responsible not only for the physical needs of the family, but also for the spiritual needs of the family.
That is the reason why you find, “Fathers, bring up your children in the admonition and discipline of the Lord. Do not hurt them to the point that they lose their will to do good.”
Is it not true that husbands are usually neglectful of their responsibility here? Men are so busy with worldly business that they have no time, as it were, to bring up their children in the admonition and discipline of the Lord.
When men try to discipline, probably they usually overdo it, because maybe their anger has built up. Therefore, it says, do not hurt your children to the extent that they lose their will.
The responsibility is the man’s. You have to admonish your children. Admonition in Scripture is twofold: one is to encourage, and the other is to warn. You have to encourage your children in the Lord, and then warn your children against certain things.
And discipline—we do not like the word “discipline.” We like the expression “child training,” but it has the same meaning. You have to train your children in the fear of the Lord. That is your responsibility.
Do not be so occupied with worldly things, trying to supply your family with abundance, that you forget your responsibility of bringing them up in the fear of Christ.
But that does not mean that wives are always perfect in bringing up their children. It is very true that, as you read history, you will find that usually it is the wives who really spend time with their children, trying to bring them up in the right way.
You find that this is the way Monica did with Augustine. This is the way Susanna Wesley brought up her many boys. Every day, she tried to spend time with each one of them—not necessarily on the same day, but she would meet with each boy one by one and try to help him spiritually.
So no wonder you have John Wesley, Charles Wesley, and all these children brought up because they were doing their duty.
Brothers and sisters, if the family can have the fear of Christ at the foundation, then that family will be built up and God will be glorified.
Finally, I will make a suggestion. In the old days among Christians, family altar was a must.
In other words, in the old days, in a Christian family, usually every day the family would gather together as one. They would read the Bible and pray together—family altar.
But now this is something almost unknown among God’s people, because modern life is so busy and so demanding. We tend to neglect it. But because we neglect it, how much we suffer.
I can still remember in my family, when I was a child, we had seven brothers and sisters. My father, every day except when he was away, would gather us before supper.
He would read from the Bible, and we all would kneel down. He would lead us in prayer. I often wondered why Father never asked us to pray. He always led the prayer.
Because he knew us. He would not ask us to pray until he knew that we were really in the Lord. That impression has been with me throughout life.
I remember a story. There was a professor who loved the Lord. In his English family, he had family altar every evening.
But one of his boys became very rebellious, and he would not attend that family altar.
One day, when he came back, he heard that the father was still leading the family prayer, and he was praying for him.
He was so furious. “Why do you pray for me and not for the others?” So he left home.
But thank God, God touched him and brought him back.
So how important it is to have family altar. I always suggest that, in spite of our modern busy life, we set apart the time. It does not take much time—maybe ten minutes, fifteen minutes.
Gather your family together, because as a family they pray together; they are united together.
If everyone is just doing what he wants to do, the family is scattered. You do not have a real family life.
That is the reason I feel that spiritual exercise is so important. You need to exercise your spirit to be a good husband, exercise your spirit to be a good wife, exercise your spirit to be a good father and a good mother, and even exercise your spirit to be good children.
It is not natural; it is supernatural.
Family life is built up for the glory of God. So may the Lord help us. Shall we pray?
Dear Lord, if we have never thought that our family is Yours instead of only ours, we pray that Thou wilt impress upon our hearts that our family is Yours.
We cannot have a family life unless it is by Your life. Show us how to exercise our spirit, every member of the family, that we may have the fear of Christ, that Christ’s life may rule and overrule.
We give You glory in Thy precious name. Amen.