I would like to read two portions of Scripture first. Will you please turn to 1 Timothy 1? We read from verse 15 through verse 17.
Faithful is the saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.
Howbeit for this cause I obtained mercy, that in me as chief might Jesus Christ show forth all His longsuffering, for an ensample of them that should thereafter believe on Him unto eternal life.
Now unto the King eternal, incorruptible, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory unto the ages of ages. Amen.
And please turn to 2 Corinthians 5. We read from verse 14 through verse 20.
For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that one died for all, therefore all died;
and He died for all, that they that live should no longer live unto themselves, but unto Him Who for their sakes died and rose again.
Wherefore we henceforth know no man after the flesh: even though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now we know Him so no more.
Wherefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature: the old things are passed away; behold, they are become new.
But all things are of God, Who reconciled us to Himself through Christ, and gave unto us the ministry of reconciliation;
to wit, that God was in Christ reconciling the world unto Himself, not reckoning unto them their trespasses, and having committed unto us the word of reconciliation.
We are ambassadors therefore on behalf of Christ, as though God were entreating by us: we beseech you on behalf of Christ, be ye reconciled to God.
I was asked to give my testimony. I was told that, by giving my testimony, you may know me.
Now, I will be very glad to give my testimony, but I do not want you to know me. Because who am I? Nothing but a sinner. In me—that is, in my flesh—there is no good. So it is better that you do not know me.
But I do want you to know my Lord, my Savior. He is the One Who saves me. He is the One Who calls me, and He is the One for Whom I serve.
Of course, I cannot give you all my testimony. Living to such a long age, if I gave my whole testimony, you would not be able to go home. So I will just begin with something.
Now, I was born to a Christian family. It was unusual, because I really came from a big family—four generations living under one roof. It was during the Qing dynasty.
My father was the first one who came to the Lord. My grandfather was in the construction business, and when missionaries came to Shanghai, they opened a school. So my grandfather sent my father, who was the eldest son, to that school to learn English. The reason was that he might help him do business with foreigners.
That is how my father went to that mission school. While he was studying there, the principal, a lady from Virginia, led my father to the Lord.
When my father told my grandparents that he had believed in Christ Jesus, my grandfather felt very much ashamed. In those early days, only poor people became Christians, trying to get some help from the missionaries. That is what people believed.
So my grandfather decided to cut him off from all connection with missionaries, and then he would be all right. But my father’s faith was real. Therefore, my grandfather decided to apprentice him out.
Now, you know, in the old days you did not have schools like today. If you wanted to learn a trade, you were apprenticed to a master. You would leave home, stay with your master, become part of your master’s family, serve them, and gradually learn the skill. By that means, my father could be cut off completely from the missionaries.
My grandfather had already signed a contract. The next day, he was to send my father to his master. But that night, neither my grandfather nor my father slept.
Of course, my father was praying. The missionaries were praying for him. And after midnight, my grandmother softened and said, “Let him go to school.”
So that is how my father finished mission school. But when he wanted to go to college, my grandfather refused to support him. He went to college half work and half study. He spent eight years getting his degree, and he was the only one who graduated from that university’s seminary—the only one.
So when I was born, I was born to a Christian family. Thank God for that. My father loved the Lord.
He had altogether seven children. Every evening before supper, he would gather the whole family together in the sitting room. There he would read from a big Bible, and after he read, we would all kneel down and he would lead us in prayer. That was how I grew up.
From my childhood, I studied in mission schools, from kindergarten up to college. When I was in high school, it was during the time that the student body had to attend the Sunday service. It was part of the school curriculum, and if you missed it, you would be punished.
So on Sunday morning, the whole school would march into the church building. We occupied a third of that big church building, and my father was the pastor there. I was the pastor’s son. But, like all other schoolmates, we hid novels behind the big hymnbook.
Now, from my childhood, I believed that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world. But at the same time, I believed I was too good to be saved. He came to save sinners. I was not a sinner, so let Him save those sinners. I was all right.
So even though mentally I had no doubt about the Lord Jesus as the Savior of the world, I did not believe in Him. I thought I did not need Him.
It was not until I was fourteen and then I was seriously ill. At that time, such an illness had no medicine. It depended on whether you could pull through.
I was very sick for months. I was dying. My pulse became irregular, and as a young man, of course, I did not want to die. So I prayed.
My father, of course, prayed for me, and the missionaries prayed for me. After several months, I recovered. I went back to school.
But when I went back to school, I had a natural feeling. The feeling was that God really had recovered me. What could I do to show Him my respect? So I was looking for something that I could do for Him in order to repay Him for His favor.
Sure enough, a fellow student came to me and said, “Could we organize some Christian meetings at school?” Now, that was my opportunity. So we began to organize prayer meetings at night, once a week.
We had prayer meetings at night at school, and those who lived in the school we tried to get to the prayer meeting. We also welcomed our teachers to join us.
I still remember how I led the prayer meeting. I was not saved, but that was not easy. My father was a pastor and had a big library. So I just went to his library, got a book on prayer translated into Chinese, memorized it, and then gave my speech on how God answered prayer.
After that, I asked everybody to kneel down and pray. But unfortunately, nobody prayed, and some people began to laugh. Now, I seriously scolded them. I said, “We are in the presence of God, and you should not do that.” That was how I led my first prayer meeting.
I preached too. On Friday, we gathered students who would like to come, and we preached to them. Again, I went to my father’s library and chose a sermon from a famous American pastor at that time, Mr. Jowett. I translated it into Chinese. It was called Knock, and then I went there and preached.
The only thing I regretted was that I felt very good, but nobody praised me. Now, that was my only regret.
So, brothers and sisters, especially young people, you know how I tried to serve God before I was saved—as a kind of paying back my debt. Like a glorious sinner, I was outwardly very zealous for the Lord.
The Holy Spirit began to prove my heart. Nobody talked to me. People felt that I was very religious, pious. But the Holy Spirit pointed His finger at me. He showed me that from my head to my feet, there was nothing good. Everything was wrong, was evil.
Now, as a student, how much evil could you do in comparison with society? But under the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I was so deeply convicted. Sometimes, when I was alone, I wept.
I was a sinner. But how could I be saved? Well, I knew Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world, so it should have been the easiest thing for me. But somehow salvation evaded me.
For a whole year, I sought very earnestly. Whenever there was a big revival meeting, I was there. We had world-famous preachers coming, like Paul Rader and so forth. I heard them, and I went to the altars a number of times. But afterwards, nothing happened.
This continued for a whole year, until one summer in 1930, I went to a summer conference with the purpose of being saved.
I went there. A few days passed, and nothing happened. That conference was led by three young men, new graduates from Asbury College. There was nothing new that I heard, because I knew all these things.
So one morning, I was in the dormitory by myself. I do not know whether I was praying or talking to myself. That morning, I was talking with God.
I said, “God, I want to be saved. Why is it that I was not saved? People seem to come to the Lord very easily, but how come that I did not get it?”
Then I remembered some people saying, “You may be gospel-hardened, because you knew the gospel, you preached the gospel, you know too much.” Well, I said, “Maybe I am gospel-hardened.”
So I told the Lord, “Lord, if You want to save me, save me now. Otherwise, goodbye. That is it.”
With that kind of determination, I went to the afternoon meeting. The preacher was Mr. Kilpatrick, a young man, and he preached on John 3:16. Now, I could memorize and repeat it very easily. I knew it all. There was nothing he said that I did not know, so nothing touched me.
The meeting was over. As usual, he asked people to kneel down. So everybody—hundreds of people there—we all knelt down. Then he called people to come to the altar. You know, I had been there so many times, so I did not go because I thought it was useless.
Then a preacher, a black preacher, came and knelt by my side. He did not preach the gospel to me, but he urged me to go to the altar. Now, you ought to be polite. I went there.
I went to the altar. I tried to pray. I wept because of my sin. But the meeting was over. Nothing happened. I walked out.
When I was walking to the door, a Chinese preacher stopped me and point-blank asked me a question: “Are you saved?”
Now, I suppose he must have noticed me. He thought I must be saved. But I had to be honest, so I told him, “I want to be saved.”
Everybody had left—just the two of us in that big hall. Then he asked me, “Do you believe the Bible as the Word of God?” I said, “From my childhood.”
Then he said, “Turn to 1 John 1:9.” Well, that was easy, because I knew my Bible. So I turned to 1 John 1:9, and he said, “You read it. Take away that pronoun, put your name in it, and read it with your name.”
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
So I read it with my name there twice. Then he said, “Let us pray.” So he knelt down, and I knew how to pray, so I started to pray.
I began to tell the Lord all the things that I could remember. Then I even told the Lord, “You know, there are many sins I have forgotten, but You remember. Now I confess my sins. You are righteous and faithful. I have done my part; now it is Your part.”
I believed. If I died, I died upon Him. That was my heart’s determination.
After I prayed, I felt that heavy burden upon me for a whole year roll away. There was such peace in my heart. I stood up, and the preacher asked me, “Are you saved?” I said, “All right.”
He said, “How do you know?” I said, “Because there is such peace in my heart.” He shook his head. “No.”
Immediately, the Word came. I said, “I know I am saved because God has said so.” He said, “That is right. Your emotions may change, but God’s Word is eternal.”
Thank God. He was very wise in leading people. Then he told me, “You go out and tell someone right away how the Lord has saved you.”
I remember I went to my room and opened the Bible. It was 2 Peter 1. I read it. It was so different. I had read the Bible before, but that evening, when I read 2 Peter 1, I said every word spoke to me, as if my Father was talking to me.
Thank God, He changed my whole life.
Now, in those days, whether you had a conference or a crusade, the last meeting was always on consecration.
A huge map of China was hung on the wall of the platform. The preacher began to preach and said, “God has saved you. If you are inspired, constrained by His love, you should give yourself to serve Him.”
“You can come to the platform and point your finger to the place where you want to go to serve Him.”
Now, I was a young man of fifteen, just saved. So I was thinking, “He loved me so much. I love Him. I want to prove my love to Him. I want to go to the furthest place, the most difficult place, to preach the gospel.”
So I marched up to the platform and pointed my finger on Mongolia, because to the Chinese, Mongolia is the furthest place. And I meant it. It was real to me.
I was in my senior year in high school. I spent that year trying to get all the materials and information about Mongolia. I set my face toward Mongolia.
Before I graduated from high school, I decided not to go to college. To me, it was a waste of four years.
Actually, during my last year in senior high, after I was saved, with some other brothers and sisters in the school, we organized evangelistic bands. We went to the villages to preach the gospel and pray for the sick.
I still remember a man who was dying of meningitis. We all went into his house and put our hands all over his body and prayed for him, but he did not arise.
I was all on fire for the Lord. Whenever the Methodist Church had any gospel outreach, we young people were at the front line.
I was standing outside on the street, trying to pull old people into the church. I still remember a rickshaw was there, and the rickshaw man was there. So I began to talk to him. Of course, he could not go into the meeting, so I began to talk to him. He did not want to listen. He put his hands over his ears, and I shouted loudly into his ears.
So I had already chosen the Bible school I would go to, because I was very active among the Christian community in Shanghai. I knew all about these Bible schools, their professors, some of them.
After I graduated, I talked to my father. I thought he would certainly be glad about it. But, to my surprise, he said, “No. You go to college.”
“After you finish college, I will send you to America to study theology.” By that time, everybody knew that I would succeed my father.
Now, I was so disappointed. All my plans were smashed. But we learned to obey our parents, so I went to college.
It was a Methodist college. The professors were mostly missionaries. So I went to that college in another city. I lived in the dormitory.
After I arrived there, at once I showed myself in all the Christian activities in the school and in the Methodist church nearby.
But after a short period, I began to notice something wrong. I noticed that my professors, missionaries from this country, did not believe the Bible as the Word of God. They did not believe Jesus is the Son of God.
All they talked about was social, moral, political—all these things. When I tried to share my faith, I was cut off.
It was a total surprise to me, because I thought every believer loved the Lord, believed Jesus as the Son of God, and believed the Bible as the Word of God. Suddenly, I was faced with such a situation. What could I do?
I withdrew myself from all activities. I knew there was only one way that I could keep my faith.
So I spent lots of time in my dormitory. In my room there were three students, but I did not care. I spent time kneeling, reading the Bible, and praying. Fellow students would come in and talk; I did not care.
I felt that was my lifeline. If I did not do that, I could not live.
Thank God. It was during that time that the Lord began to work in me. Formerly, I was too hot, too busy, serving the Lord, as it were. But now I was in the wilderness. I was cut off from all fellowship.
When I was in quietness, the Lord began to work.
You know, after I was saved, some people began to talk to me about baptism—that is, baptism by immersion. They told me that this is the only biblical way of being baptized.
I argued with them. I said, “I was baptized when I was a baby. Some water was sprinkled on my head. So how could I be baptized again?”
Then, when the argument became hot, I said, “When I was baptized as a baby, I was baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. So I could not dishonor His name.”
I refused to be baptized by immersion. But, of course, I was reading the Bible. The more I read the Bible, the more I was convinced that this is the way the Bible teaches. But I could not do it.
I remember one day I visited my friend. Again, he mentioned baptism with me. I argued with him. No, I knew in my heart that I would be baptized, but I still argued with him and said, “No. When I was baptized as a baby, that is it.”
Finally, he gave me up. I went to sleep, and I was sitting there alone. I began to pray.
I said, “Lord, I know I should be baptized by immersion. Believe and be baptized. When I was a baby, I did not believe; my parents believed for me. That is not right.”
“Now I have believed. I should be baptized to express my faith. I should be baptized by immersion, because that is the only way to show that I was dead, buried, and risen with Christ.”
But I said, “Lord, I could not do it. I love my father too much. He was a Methodist pastor. If the pastor’s son got baptized by immersion, what would happen to my father?”
“Oh, Lord, I cannot do that. Wait until I finish school and become independent. Then I promise You, I will be baptized.”
Suddenly, I heard a voice. It was almost audible—I do not know. Suddenly a voice came to me and said:
He that loveth father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me.
The words were so powerful. That settled it.
So I went down from my friend’s room and knocked on the next door, because next door Brother Watchman Nee lived there. Brother Watchman Nee opened the door. He knew me, of course, and said, “What do you want?”
I said, “I want to be baptized.” He said, “Does your father know it?” I said, “No. But I must be baptized.” So I was baptized the next day.
Why did I mention this? Because this is the beginning of how God began to open my understanding. The whole spiritual world began to be opened. It is not just baptism; it is more than that.
You know, I read the Bible faithfully. But it seemed as if the Bible was a closed book to me. It did not speak to me. It did not affect my life. I could go on as I used to be.
But since that day, everything began gradually to open.
I remember after I was baptized, the next day was the Lord’s Day, and they had the Lord’s Supper. I joined with them at the Lord’s table. I was so touched by the love of Christ.
But then, when I went back to school, I had a problem. The Methodist Church at the time had Communion once a month, and I used to be very regular.
Those who knelt by my side might be my professors. Then I said to the Lord, “How could I take the Lord’s Supper with people who do not believe in You, who do not believe in the Bible, who do not believe You are the Son of God? How could I do it?” I could not.
But everybody expected me to be there. My father was the pastor. What should I do?
For a whole year, I used my own wisdom. Every time Communion came, I told my father I had some engagement somewhere, so I escaped it.
My father was very wise. He knew, but he did not say a word. I tried to give excuses why I was not there.
As a matter of fact, I began to have two classmates who came to the Lord, and the three of us would go to an empty schoolroom and break bread together.
You know, I was trying to put my feet on two boats that were sailing further apart. I did it for a whole year.
The reason why I mention these things is because I want to show you that the Lord’s way is so different from our way.
You can be saved. You can love the Lord. And you can try to serve Him your way. But the Lord’s way is higher than our way.
It is the narrow way that leads to life. It is the broad way that leads to destruction.
So gradually, the Lord began to change my whole outlook. He showed me that to serve Him is to let Him work in me. To serve Him, I had to follow His way, not my way.
So gradually, my way of serving Him began to fade away. Up to now, I have never been to Mongolia. He began to change my way altogether.
In my junior year in college, He began to raise up a few—seven of us: three classmates and four in a Presbyterian hospital. We seven prayed and began to come together to break bread.
I remember the first time when the seven of us came together. We wept before the Lord. His love overwhelmed us.
Then the Lord began to work. People got saved. Within a week, almost all the student nurses in that big hospital got saved. God began to work.
I was really before the Lord. I said, “Lord, I am trying to walk with my feet on two boats. But now the time has come. I had to choose one.”
“Whether I will go the denominational way, to succeed my father, or whether I will go the narrow way, despised by the world—I cannot decide.”
But then God sent a servant of the Lord to us, and his first message was on Luke 14.
For which of you, desiring to build a tower, doth not first sit down and count the cost, whether he have wherewith to complete it?
Lest haply, when he hath laid a foundation, and is not able to finish, all that behold begin to mock him.
Or what king, as he goeth to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and take counsel whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand?
You need to sit down and count your cost before you start. And that touched me.
So after the meeting, when we were eating together, I sat down there and said, “Lord, I want to count my cost in following You. I cannot go two ways.”
So I began to count my cost. The more I counted my cost, the costlier it became. The enemy was trying to put all kinds of things into my mind: I would be discharged from this university; I would be driven out of my home; and all these things began to crowd upon me.
So I told the Lord, “I could not do it. It is too costly. Your way is too costly. I could not do it.”
I saw a vision. I cannot say whether I saw it with my naked eyes or not, but I saw the Lord coming to me. He showed me His hands, and He said to me:
I did all this for thee. What doest thou for Me?
It melted me. I said, “Lord, everything—my life, my blood, my everything.”
But did that settle it? No. I still struggled over it for three days and three nights. I could not sleep at night. I went to school; I could not hear the lectures. I was struggling, struggling.
But the Lord helped me. He held me to what I had said, and after three days it was settled.
So I had to see my father and have a talk with him. I told him what had happened to me. I told him that a year before I had been baptized.
He was hurt—not because I was baptized by immersion, but because I had not trusted him. He said, “If you wanted to be baptized by immersion, I would do it for you.”
My father was very understanding. He said, “As long as you serve the Lord, even if you are not with me, it is fine.”
He gave me perfect liberty. He never questioned where I went or whom I was with. Of course, behind me he prayed—why not? But he never said anything. He gave me perfect freedom.
At that time, I was staying at home. I was so busy, because the Lord began to raise up a group of people. People were coming from all directions.
I was the one who did everything. I opened the door, welcomed people, played the organ, prayed, preached, and closed the meeting. I did everything, and I visited. So oftentimes I came home very late. My father never said a word.
Because of this, it caused great turmoil in that city. All the denominations joined together—the president of the university, principals of high schools, churches, hospitals, everything. They gathered together for three days to discuss us.
We were a small group, but it caused lots of problems. They openly accused my father. They said, “You have such a son. He is causing trouble.”
My father was very wise. He used the words of Gamaliel. He said, “If it is of men, it will disappear. If it is of God, do not touch it.”
He never told me that. Other people told me that.
Thank God. This is the way that He wants me to serve Him. His way is higher than our way.
Now, young people, the reason I gave this part of my testimony is to show you that He is not only the One Who saves you; He is the One Who will use you—not in your way, but in His way.
All we need to do is learn to submit ourselves totally to Him and allow Him to lead us.
I believe if He did it in me, the worthless one, He can do it in every one of us.
It may not be that God will call you out to serve Him as a preacher, or whatever you call it. But we are all called to serve according to the grace and gift that God has given to each.
Let us be faithful to Him, because He Who calls us is faithful, and He will perform it.
Let us pray.
O Lord, You are worthy. You are the Potter; we are the clay. You are able to make us vessels unto honor, that Your name may be magnified.
We do commit all those who are here this evening into Your hands, and may Your will for each and every one of us be gloriously fulfilled. Amen.
And it is all by Your grace. We ask in Your precious name. Amen.