We will read a few Scriptures.
Colossians 3:13
Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any should have a complaint against any; even as the Christ hath forgiven you, so also do ye.
Matthew 6:12, 14-15—this is in the midst of the prayer the Lord taught us to pray:
And forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors.
For if ye forgive men their offenses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you yours.
But if ye do not forgive men their offenses, neither will your Father forgive your offenses.
Luke 11:4
And forgive us our sins; for we ourselves also forgive every one that is indebted to us.
Mark 11:25-26
And whenever ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have aught against any one; that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your trespasses.
Ephesians 4:32
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, even as God also in Christ forgave you.
Let us pray.
Lord, we really thank You that we are able to come together in this way, even looking to You at the table and meditating on how You have long-suffered for us so much and how You have forgiven us so much. We thank You, Lord, and we come to You that we could fellowship around Your Word right now.
We commit the time to You. We pray that You would break open the Word and open up our eyes also to see. We pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Well, one time the Apostle Peter asked the Lord, “Should I forgive as many as seven times?” And the Lord Jesus said, “Not only seven times. I do not say forgive someone seven times, but seventy times seven times.”
Then the Lord Jesus said this is the reason the kingdom of the heavens has become like a king who would reckon with his bondservants. This king has a time of reckoning, in the sense of family judgment. There was one bondservant who owed him ten thousand talents.
I do not really know how much ten thousand talents is. It is a lot. Trying to calculate and convert it is difficult, especially with the American dollar fluctuating. But if it is ten thousand talents of gold, they say it could be as much as three billion. Most say it is at least in the millions. It is an amount impossible for a normal man—especially a bondservant—to repay in a normal human lifespan.
So this bondservant owed ten thousand talents. He had his day of reckoning, and the king, being a righteous king judging his bondservant, said, “Sell the bondservant, sell his wife, sell his children, sell all of his possessions, and pay what can be paid.”
The bondservant came and did him homage. He said, “Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay You back.” I think his prayer was actually wrong, even though it was good. He misunderstood that he could not even pay it back. But he asked for patience, saying that he would pay it back.
But the king knew what was behind the heart. The king was moved with compassion, and he forgave him all the debt—all ten thousand talents. All of it was forgiven.
Then this bondservant went out and found another fellow bondservant. Both were bondservants of the same king. He went to him and throttled him. I do not know what that looks like, but it sounds bad. He throttled him and said, “Pay what you owe me.”
This fellow bondservant owed him one hundred denarii. I also do not know exactly what that is, but it is something most people might have in their wallet, or at least be able to pay back in a short amount of time. It was something small and minor—something that, if he were given time, he could repay.
In the same way, this fellow bondservant fell down and said, “Have patience with me, and I will pay you back.” In this case, he really could pay him back. But the bondservant who had originally owed ten thousand talents had no patience and no mercy. Neither did he forgive the debt, nor even have patience. He said, “Cast him into prison until he pays everything.”
Now the king’s other bondservants informed him of what had happened, because this was the king’s bondservant whom it had happened to. So the king brought before him the bondservant who had owed ten thousand talents and said, “You ought to have forgiven your fellow bondservant, you who have been forgiven so much.”
For this reason, the king said that he would have to pay back the debt, and he commanded, “Cast him in with the tormentors until he pays back everything.” The Lord Jesus said, “In the same way will your heavenly Father not forgive you unless you forgive your brother.”
There are many things we can glean from the parable and from the Scriptures we read. But one thing I want to pull out is the connection between how we have been forgiven and how we forgive one another.
Studying the topic of forgiveness can be a little overwhelming. I have to admit that I really struggled considering the topic. It felt too big. If we look at one part, perhaps there will be some misunderstanding in another part. There are so many sides of reconciliation: forgiving others, being forgiven, restoring—all these things.
Sometimes it is confusing. How do we actually forgive one another? How do you forgive when you do not feel like forgiving? Even when you do not feel like it would be right to forgive them? They have not repented. How do we walk in this way? What is the proper way even to repent and confess if I have done so much wrong?
In meditating and praying, that verse in Ephesians 4:32 came to me: “Forgiving one another, even as God also in Christ forgave you.” I feel that this is the key in our relationship with one another and in forgiving the Lord.
How do we forgive? We forgive in the same way God has forgiven us. How has God forgiven us? God has forgiven us in Christ.
I took that phrase as a key, in a sense, and tried to unlock each aspect of forgiveness. In everything we experience with one another—in this whole realm of forgiveness, whatever side we are on—can we compare it with our relationship with God the Father in forgiveness?
In my mind, I have two columns. If you take notes, you can put two columns. On one side, we have forgiveness with God our Father. On the other side, we have forgiveness with one another. I would like to go through a few lessons and examples. I have seven, but you can probably discover more. These are simply to illustrate the point.
The one point is this: we discover how to forgive one another and how to be forgiven with one another by seeing how it works with God our Father. That is the main thing: forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven you.
First, consider something basic about how God the Father forgives us. Even in that phrase, it says that God the Father has forgiven us in Christ. This answers many problems and difficulties in the whole realm of forgiveness.
How can people be forgiven if God is righteous? How can He forgive men of their sins? This is a basic thing in the gospel. When we preach the gospel, it is something essential that we must know. As a brand-new believer, we learn right away that when God forgives us, it is based upon what the Son has done on the cross.
Christ has died in our stead. Because Christ has died for us, because Christ has gone to the cross, God is able to forgive us. People ask, “If God is so loving, why cannot He just forgive? Even humans can just do that. Someone has done wrong—why cannot He just forgive?”
But humans are not so righteous. We can let something go unpunished. Even among humans, if we saw a judge with a case before him—a person who had committed terrorism or murdered a child—and the judge simply felt merciful and said, “It is okay. I forgive you,” we would say that was unrighteous.
There must be punishment for sin. There must be equal punishment. We would say that was an unrighteous judge, and he would lose his job. Our God is the righteous Judge of the universe. He must judge the unrighteous men of the universe in a righteous way.
Yet our God, who loves so much, wants to make righteous those unrighteous men. So we ask: How can the righteous God make righteous the unrighteous men in a righteous way? How can the just God justly justify the unjust?
It is confusing. But God reveals something in the gospel. Romans says that the righteousness of God is revealed in the gospel. “I am not ashamed of the gospel,” for it is power for salvation to everyone who believes, because the righteousness of God is revealed.
This is not merely that God Himself is righteous. God is righteous, but His plan is called the righteousness of God. The righteousness of God is that Christ has died on the cross. God has found a righteous way to forgive men of their sins.
When God forgives us, He forgives us in Christ. He not only righteously forgives us of our sins; we are completely forgiven. It is perfect and good. He also forgets our sins.
As far as the east is from the west,
So far hath He removed our transgressions from us.
The Lord says, “I will remember your sins no more.” We are forgiven and cleansed. All our trespasses are forgiven; all our iniquity is wiped out. We whose sins were as scarlet are now white as snow.
Justification is not only that I am completely clean from sins—just as if I never sinned—but also that when God looks upon us, He sees Christ. He sees us in Christ. This is the Lord’s secret of forgiving: He does it in Christ.
There is no such thing as God forgiving someone outside of Christ. Everyone who has ever been forgiven has been forgiven in Christ. That is the only way He does it. That is His gospel. That is the righteousness of God.
When He has forgiven you, He looks upon you and sees Christ. We are clothed with the robe of righteousness. It is permanent. Christ is our righteousness because we are covered with Christ; we are in Christ. Technically, we have sinned, but as far as God sees us, He sees Christ.
Not only that, Christ is near to the Father. So as soon as you are forgiven, fellowship is near. We are accepted in the Beloved. That is justification: not only clean in Christ, but also near to the Father.
We come boldly by the blood into the Holy of Holies. We enter through the new and living way, which is the body of Christ, crucified on the cross. This is how we come near to God the Father.
Now compare this with how we forgive one another.
I do not know if you have seen this as a little child, but parents sometimes bring together two children who have been fighting. One says, “I’m sorry,” while still pouting. Then the mother taps the other one and says, “Forgive him.” So he says, “I forgive you.”
I think we do it as adults too; we just do not pout with our lips sticking out. But when little children come to ask forgiveness, sometimes they are still upset. Sometimes they really do not want to apologize.
When we forgive one another, do we do it in the same way? Do we wait until we can feel it? Sometimes we really struggle with this, but there is a secret to forgiving one another. It is the same thing the Lord does with us.
When we forgive one another, do not merely try to forgive. In the world, people try to forgive. Even secular marriage counseling emphasizes that husbands and wives must learn to forgive, because they are going to make mistakes. But often it is still remembered deep inside.
Then, when arguments come, all those things from the last five years come out into the open. The things that were supposedly forgiven explode. The volcano erupts, and our forgiveness is not real. It is dormant, but there is still something remembered.
If God should mark our iniquities, who could stand? If He kept a list of every wrong, how could any of us come and worship Him? How could we come boldly? But He keeps a clean slate. He does not remember the wrongs of others.
How do we actually do this? We do it in the same way God does with us: we do it in Christ. When we forgive one another, we must forgive in Christ.
Forgiveness is not something we have to feel; it is something that we choose. But even when we choose it, we say, “I forgive you in Christ.” I do not merely forgive you by my own ability. I do not forgive you in and of yourself while secretly remembering it.
How can you forget the sins of someone else? The only way is to see them in Christ. This is righteous because we are fellow bondservants. How can one bondservant of the King cast another bondservant of the King into prison?
We are not our own. We are bought with a price. We belong to Him. Whatever sins have been done to us have been done against the Master. They have sinned against our Lord, and we are simply His possession—His bondservants.
It would be unrighteous for one employee to fire another employee. That is the job of the boss. An employee cannot get angry because another employee forgot to take out the trash and say, “Now you are fired.” We are just fellow employees.
In the same way, we are fellow bondservants. If someone has done something to us, it becomes easier to forgive, because in a sense they have not even done it to us. We who owed so much—how can we think that someone owes us anything?
It is also righteous to forgive because Christ has died for their sins, even the sins they committed against you. When someone has sinned against you, remember that Christ died for that sin. Where has the judgment happened? It has happened on the cross.
He died not only for my sins but also for the sins of the person who sins against me, even those specific sins committed toward me. Therefore, it is righteous to forgive the other person, because Christ has died for their sins.
Our problem is probably not that we do not know that we should forgive. The problem is usually that we do not know how. We have the natural feeling of not forgiving. But the secret is that we do not merely muster it up. We go to the Lord and say, “I forgive them in Christ.”
When you see that person from then on, how do you see them? You see Christ. As far as your fellowship with them goes, and as far as your side is concerned, they are as if they never sinned against you. You simply want fellowship restored. You want them brought near.
I am not a huggy person, but when you see someone in Christ, you have that feeling of a big teddy bear. The love of the brethren rises up. When we forgive one another in Christ, this is our secret. It is the only way.
When we come to the Lord’s table, we properly discern the body. In looking at how the Lord died for us and how His blood was shed for us, we remember how much we have been forgiven. Then we should consider: Have I wronged any of my brethren? Has any brother wronged me, and am I bitter against them?
We deal with it. We cannot hold something against our brethren. All of it is one thing: we forgive and are forgiven in the same way as it happens with the Lord, and it is all in Christ.
The second thing to compare is this: when does God forgive us? Does God our Father wait until the day I repent and become a believer before He actually forgives me? Was He holding everything against me until then?
Or when the Lord Jesus prayed on the cross, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do,” was that prayer only for the thieves on the cross or only for the people standing there? I think His prayer was for all of us. We can all say that we had our share in the crucifying of the Lord.
When did the Father actually forgive us? I am not trying to figure out a date or second, but it was before we came to repentance. Long ago—even at Calvary—we see the forgiveness of the Lord.
When we come to the Lord, repent, and believe, we receive that forgiveness. But the Father’s forgiveness was already there. He wants us to receive it.
When we believe in the Lord Jesus, we receive eternal life. What must I do to be saved? Acts 16 says, “Believe on the Lord Jesus, and thou shalt be saved.” But really, what do you have to do? You do not have to do anything. It is free. It is done. Salvation is already prepared and laid out before us.
What is believing? Is it some work by which I deserve salvation? No, of course not. When we believe, we simply receive. To believe on the Lord Jesus is to receive what He has already given.
It is the same with forgiveness. To repent or confess our sins is to receive His forgiveness. Our repentance does not deserve forgiveness or earn it. His forgiveness has already happened, but we do not receive it until we repent.
This is true in our daily experience as believers. When we confess our sins, we receive the forgiveness of sins. But it is based on the fact that God is faithful and just. Because Christ has already died on the cross, He must forgive us of our sins.
It is not that He even has a choice, because His very character is this: Christ died for you; I forgive you. He said in His Word that He would forgive us when we confess. Therefore, we can go boldly to the Lord, confessing our sins and receiving forgiveness, because the forgiveness is already there.
In time, God forgives us before we repent. In the same way, when you forgive one another, do you wait until the person repents?
“I will forgive them if they repent.” I have heard that a lot. I was taught that growing up: if they repent, forgive them; but if they do not repent, hold it over their head. But actually, who is hanging? I think you are hanging. When I try to keep bitterness, I am the one hanging.
We may say, “They have not repented. I know I should forgive, but they should repent first.” Yet forgive as God has forgiven you. When did God forgive you? He forgave you before you repented.
When we forgive one another, we forgive immediately. We forgive before they repent. They have sinned; we forgive. It is the reaction of a Christian. This is the way of Christian life.
Matthew 5 through 7 shows us the way of the kingdom. If you are struck on one cheek, you turn the other cheek. Someone sins against you, but you have forgiven them. Not only have you forgiven them; you have graced them back. If they compel you to go a mile, go the second mile—maybe even the third.
We do not naturally react this way, but in Christ we do. We can only do this by the Lord’s grace. We do not forgive when they repent; we forgive before they repent.
Now, there is a Scripture in Luke 17. It says, “If thy brother sin, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.” If he comes to you seven times in a day, sinning against you and repenting seven times, forgive him.
To understand that Scripture, we have to remember that forgiveness has two sides. One side is inwardly: I forgive. The other side is outwardly: they receive it. The forgiveness they receive happens after they repent.
You do not walk up to someone who has not repented and say, “I forgive you.” That is like when someone comes up and says, “You’re welcome.” What does that mean? It means you forgot to say thank you.
Inwardly, forgiveness is immediate. How could you go to your brother and rebuke him if you had not already forgiven him? You cannot go in bitterness, asking him to repent. The rebuke must be in love. Therefore, you have to forgive before you go to him.
As soon as we are sinned against, we forgive. It is the reaction of a Christian, just as it is with the Lord. Every time you come and repent of your sins, remember that the Lord has already forgiven. The forgiveness is there.
First John says that these things are written so that we would not sin. But if we do sin, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous, and He is the propitiation for our sins. He is there as the provision.
How beautiful it is when someone comes to you and repents, and you can immediately, with a smile on your face and joy inside, say, “You are forgiven.” But when they repent and you have not already forgiven them, you are stuck. They can tell that you have not forgiven.
If you have already forgiven them, it is easy and smooth. We do it just as God has done with us, and we do it in Christ. I cannot forgive someone by myself—especially if they have not repented or made up for it—but Christ and I can forgive. I can forgive them in Christ immediately.
When they come and repent, it is beautiful. You have been waiting for fellowship to be restored. You can simply say, “You are forgiven. Come, give me a hug,” or whatever it is. Maybe you do not need a hug, but you forgive them.
Sometimes, depending on the sin and what happens, there is discipline with forgiveness. Forgiveness may include consequences.
When Samson sinned, he revealed that his hair was connected with his secret power and strength. His eyes were put out. But while he was being mocked by the Philistines, his hair began to grow back.
As his hair grew back, he repented. We know he repented because of his last prayer. His heart was to do the will of God for which he had been purposed as a judge of Israel: to deal with that enemy.
His hair grew back, but his eyes never grew back. Because of his sin, he never regained his eyesight. But thank the Lord, he got his fellowship back. He got his strength back.
God never withholds fellowship from one who repents. You repent, and He forgives right away, as if you never sinned as far as fellowship is concerned. But sometimes there is a wound. Sometimes there is a privilege lost. Sometimes there is a reaping of what has been sown.
It is like a little child who disobeys a parent and reaches up to grab a hot pan. The child gets burned, goes to mother crying, and says, “I am so sorry. Please forgive me.” The mother forgives the child, but there is still a burn. Sometimes there may even be a scar.
The same was true with David. David sinned greatly and even had a man murdered. But when he repented, the prophet immediately told him that his sin was forgiven. Yet there was judgment, and there were terrible consequences in his family.
Nevertheless, David is known for having fellowship with the Father. When the Lord speaks of David in the stories of the kings, He remembers him as His servant David, one who loved and served Him. In God’s eyes, David was clean, as if he had never sinned. But there were still consequences from his sin.
Now take that to the other side of our column. We do forgive and forget completely. Yet in some cases there may be a result, or there may be spiritual discernment. This is not carnal judgment or bitterness. There is a proper spiritual discernment.
If someone always steps on your foot when you stick your feet out, perhaps this time you sit differently. Even if they have repented seven times that day, you might not put your foot there again. Something may be done differently. There may be a privilege lost.
In the house of God, it is a privilege to serve. Sometimes, depending on what has happened, there may be a change. This is not for every sin—otherwise, who could stand? But in the same way that there is sometimes discipline when God forgives us, there may sometimes be a consequence among one another.
We are not the discipliners. But there is a proper way of discerning. A privilege may be lost for a time, or perhaps for good, but fellowship with that person is not lost. Fellowship with the brethren is not lost.
Many people have been saved in prison. Some are on death row or serving long-term sentences. I get to write many prisoners through the publisher where I work, and some of their cases are really to be pitied. Yet you hear the life of Christ shining through their letters. Some of them really know the Lord.
Because of their sin, there is still a result. They may remain in prison for thirty years. So we should tremble about sinning and seek not to sin. We should not say, “If you have really forgiven and forgotten me, you would let me have the same privilege as before.”
Sometimes the Lord forgives and forgets us without any obvious discipline. But sometimes He disciplines us. Perhaps something we were going to do is taken away. Yet we can still follow the Lord, gain our crown, and enjoy fellowship with Him.
The righteous fall seven times, but they get back up each time. In the house of God, when discipline comes or a privilege is lost, it should not be bitterness or judgment. It should be understood as a normal and loving discipline.
The discipline the Lord gives is in love. Even when a privilege is lost, it is for the sake of training us. In the house of God, if something needs to be changed, it should not be because of a root of bitterness. It should only be for love, for helping our brethren.
A child may have used to stir the eggs, but that privilege is removed because the child keeps touching the pan and burning his fingers. It is out of love. Almost all the time, we do not need to make changes in our dealings with people. But if there is a case, the Lord will show us as we pray for one another.
If you have thrown your pearls before swine and had them trampled before, you learn a lesson. The next time, you do not throw your pearls before swine. You may still share the gospel with them, but you do things differently.
When God forgives us, this is the basis of the gospel: God has reconciled us to Himself in Christ. God has gone after us. We did not go after Him; He came after us.
Even though we were sinners and enemies of God before we were saved, God loved the world so much that He sent His own Son. It was not because the world was repenting, deserving, or even seeking. He sent His Son to reconcile man to Himself. God is the Initiator in this process.
Even now, in our experience, He sends out the Holy Spirit. The Lord Jesus said that the Spirit would come and convict the world of sin. The Holy Spirit brought us to repentance. Even our seeking is because the Lord was drawing us to Himself.
Some call this the “Hound of Heaven.” He always gets you. You can run from Him, but if He is after you, He will get you. Praise the Lord for that. He goes after you to bring you back to Himself and restore you.
Why does He do this? Because He loves us so much. He loved the world so much that He gave His only Son. He loves each one of us so much that He draws us to repentance and faith.
As believers, after we sin, we feel conviction. Thank the Lord, we feel convicted. That conviction draws us to repentance so that we can be restored.
There is a grief in the New Testament that is according to God. This is where we get the phrase “good grief.” Godly grief works repentance unto salvation, never to be regretted. But the grief of the world works death. Worldly grief leaves you depressed and down, but godly grief brings repentance.
The Lord gives us this conviction because He loves us. Sometimes you are around a believer who is walking with the Lord, while you are being a little worldly, and you feel strange. You may think, “I wonder if they are judging me.” It might simply be the Lord drawing you.
Behind all His forgiveness is His love. He just wants you to come back. So why not come back?
Are there times when we, in love, should go to our brethren and try to restore them? Matthew 18 tells us that if your brother sins against you, go to your brother—just you and him.
The whole purpose is this: “If he hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.” That is the hope. You do not go to your brother merely to rebuke him, make him cry, make yourself feel better, or run him into the ground.
When you go, your whole motive is love. You have been praying for him. You have already forgiven him. You go to him because you want to bring him back. You want to gain your brother.
Perhaps he knows that he has sinned, or perhaps he does not know. Either way, he is in darkness. You want to help your brother come out of darkness.
How do you know when to go and when not to go? We do not need to confront one another about every matter. As we pray for our brother, the Lord may move within us and say, “Go to your brother. Restore your brother. He does not see.”
Most of the time, if someone has a heart to follow the Lord, they realize it. They say, “Oh, I did not realize that was a sin. I did not realize that harmed you. I did not even see you there. I did not know.”
Sometimes you are the mistaken one. You think your brother sinned against you, but perhaps he did not. Yet because you have already forgiven him in Christ, you are in a good place. Then you go and sort it out, and perhaps you discover that he was only looking upset because he had a hurt tooth.
But if he has sinned, your brother is gained. Hallelujah. That is your whole heart. You are happy because fellowship is restored.
If your brother is not gained at that point, you do not simply give up. You go the second mile. You find some other brothers—not simply your best friends or those who will always side with you, but men whom this brother respects, men who are weighty in the Lord and know Him.
You share the matter with them, and if they agree that there has been wrong, you go and reason with him. Thank the Lord, you may gain your brother.
If not, the Scripture says to tell the church. This does not mean coming to the pulpit and telling everybody what your brother did. It means going to those responsible in the church, those in leadership, in the hope that he will hear the judgment of the church.
If someone is so hardened, in such darkness, or there is such confusion that he does not hear, Scripture says, “Let him be unto thee as the Gentile and the publican.”
I used to think that sounded harsh: “If I go through all these steps, then I can really hate them.” But how do you actually feel toward unbelievers and the lost? You love them, and you do not expect them to walk as believers.
In a sense, you cannot experience direct fellowship with that brother as a brother, though he remains your brother. But you pray for him as you would pray for an unbeliever: that he would come out of darkness into light, be restored to the Lord, and return to fellowship.
We can only do this if we love our brother. Just as God reconciles us to Himself and is always drawing us because He loves us, we go after one another in love.
If we have not forgiven, it is easy to go and rebuke our brother—but that is simply going in bitterness. To go in love is hard. The secret is that we do it in Christ. It has to be Christ in us: the love of Christ and the love of the brethren seeking to save, seeking to deliver those in darkness, and seeking to bring our brothers back.
Sometimes we must go after one another.
Now we have to reverse the phrase from Ephesians 4:32. It says, “Forgiving one another, even as God also in Christ forgave you.” But what about repenting, confessing, and apologizing to one another? We do this as we have gone to God in Christ.
With the Lord, we confess all our sins. Initially, when we are saved, we confess every sin that we know about and even sins that we do not know about. The Lord cleanses us from every sin and all unrighteousness.
But as believers, how do we maintain our relationship with the Lord? We maintain a good, clean conscience. We are constantly confessing sins. We are quick to repent. If we have done something wrong against the Lord, we quickly repent and are forgiven.
Paul said that he sought to maintain a good conscience before God and men. In our relationship with the Lord, we are quick to repent because, as soon as we sin, we sense the loss of His presence and of the abiding life.
The Christian life is to be right with the Lord. As soon as I sin, I repent. As soon as I repent, I am forgiven. I used to repent for three days until I somehow lost the feeling of my sin, but that is not the way.
When we repent, we repent immediately, and the Lord forgives immediately. The same applies with our brethren. When you sin against a brother, when do you apologize? Very quickly—immediately.
As soon as I realize I have sinned against my brother, I go and confess. I write a letter, talk with them, call them—whatever I can do to get the matter right. I do not want to sleep without it being right. I do not want another day to pass without dealing with it.
I have already apologized to the Lord, because every sin against one another is a sin against the Lord. I am right with the Lord, but now I need to go to my brother. I apologize. I repent. It should be quick and immediate.
If this were our way, we would probably be apologizing often. In the church, many apologies should be going on. Thank the Lord, we have much experience to learn through.
The spiritual person is not someone who does not need to apologize much. The character of a spiritual person is that they apologize quickly. They are not trying to maintain a position, fearing that people will look down on them if they apologize.
A mature Christian is quick to apologize. Paul himself was quick to keep his conscience clean. In the same way we maintain a right relationship with the Lord, we maintain a right relationship with one another by confessing our sins quickly and going to apologize.
It is beautiful how this works. The person who has already forgiven us receives our quick repentance and apology, and fellowship is immediately restored. It is just like our fellowship with the Father. As soon as we repent, we are brought right back into fellowship.
In the church, this maintains the oneness of the brethren and the unity of the Spirit. Our rough edges are worn down. Though we hurt one another accidentally or purposely, as soon as we repent, we are forgiven and fellowship is restored.
Many problems are solved when we go to our brethren before gossiping about them, forgive immediately instead of holding volcanic bitterness, and apologize quickly instead of waiting.
What if our brother is weak and does not yet know the secret of forgiving in Christ? They may still be hindered until we repent. Our relationships with one another are deeply connected to our fellowship with the Lord.
The Scriptures tell us to forgive one another. If we do not forgive, the Father does not forgive us. This is not about losing salvation. But how can we disobey the Lord by refusing to forgive and then try to praise and worship Him?
Sometimes we come to the Lord’s table and remember that we have something against someone, or we come as in Matthew 5 to offer our gift and remember that someone has something against us. The Lord says to leave the gift and go be reconciled.
While you are on the way, get it right. We are on the way to the judgment seat of Christ. How long are we going to wait? We do not know when the Lord will return, and we do not know when we will meet Him.
If we wait until our deathbed or until we see the Lord, there may be the question: “What about this brother that you did not forgive? What about this brother to whom you did not apologize?” The Lord may withhold fellowship if we withhold fellowship from one another.
The parable in Matthew 18 is a parable of the kingdom of the heavens. There will be a time of reckoning with the Lord’s children. Thank the Lord, we have many opportunities to be merciful now.
He will show mercy to those who have been merciful. If we have been merciful, even concerning sins we do not know that we have committed, the Lord will be merciful to us. And any sins we have confessed now cannot be brought up then.
The same is true among the saints. If you confess your sins to one another and apologize, the matter cannot truly be brought up again. Even the accuser of the brethren cannot say anything, because of the blood. We have a clean slate.
When someone is newly saved, there may be an initial work of going to people whom they have wronged and apologizing. This may sound like too much, but it feels so good when you do it.
Some years after I was saved, someone showed me this. I thought about all the people I had sinned against, and there were many. You would not believe the expression on the principal’s face at my elementary school when I went to apologize. But I got to share the gospel too.
I felt so bad going to each person, but as soon as I apologized, the weight lifted off. It was as if I was coming up out of the water.
Initially after we are saved, we may need to do a mass apologizing. There may be many letters and phone calls: “I am a Christian now. The Lord forgave me. I need to apologize for this and this and this that I did.”
The Lord will lead us. Sometimes an apology might do more harm than good; I do not know. But the Lord will lead us. We should seek to apologize to everyone we can and then maintain that good conscience from then on.
Just as with the Lord there is an initial repentance of all our sins, followed by maintaining a good conscience through immediate confession, so there may be an initial work of reconciliation with people we have wronged.
We should ask the Lord to show us—not merely circle around in our minds—whether there are people we have sinned against in the past. We apologize to everyone we can find. Some people I could not find, so I wrote letters and kept them, hoping I would find them someday.
From then on, we should always be quick to apologize as soon as we sin.
Another lesson concerns our coming to the Lord and receiving forgiveness. Sometimes, with confession, there is fruit worthy of repentance. There is some action that must accompany our repentance.
Sometimes there is restitution. Sometimes there is something to restore. John the Baptist said, “Bring forth therefore fruit worthy of repentance.” If you know you have sinned in some area, repentance includes turning in another direction.
Perhaps I was wasting my time. In repentance, I do not merely apologize; I go to the Lord and say, “My time is Yours. I give the time back. I stole time from You.” Some things we cannot literally pay back, but the Lord knows when there needs to be something real in our repentance.
Perhaps the Lord shows me that I have been sloppy, lazy, or undiligent. I take two hours to do something that should take half an hour. The Lord convicts me and says that the way of Christ is diligence. Then I say, “Lord, restore the years that the locust has eaten. But right now, I give You my time.”
If I have kept my money from the Lord and spent it however I wanted, I repent. But my repentance includes saying, “Here is my money. Here is my wallet. Here is my bank account.”
Sometimes there is a physical or definite action that goes with repentance. Now take that to our relationships with one another.
When I come and apologize to you, my apology should be as large as my sin was. If I sinned against five people, I apologize to five people. If I sinned publicly, I apologize publicly. If I sinned in a particular way, I apologize in that way.
If I stole five dollars from my mother to buy candy, I say, “Mom, I stole your five dollars. I will pay it back with my allowance.” If I have stolen, I want to pay it back. If I have wronged you in some way, I want to make it up any way I can.
Sometimes we cannot make it up. Sometimes we might have to write an IOU note and say, “I cannot afford this debt, but I am the one who did it. I am the one who sinned. I want to pay it back. Have patience with me.”
This is proper. It is a normal way. We do it with the Lord, and we learn it with one another. We cannot go around apologizing without there being real action with our apology.
Sometimes our repentance needs a definite scope and a definite action. We go to one another and say, “I sinned against you in this way. Let me do this now. Let me give this back to you.”
One more thing on this principle. I hope we can see that the whole time we have been going back and forth: the way we deal with one another is the same way the Lord has dealt with us.
When the Lord was crucified on the cross, it was unjust as far as those crucifying Him were concerned. It was undeserved judgment. People accused Him of sins that He did not commit. They said things about Him, but He was innocent.
He was like a lamb led to the slaughter. He went and opened not His mouth. He took all the accusations. Yet one time, as far as the accusations were concerned, He opened His mouth and said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”
One of the thieves heard this. He did not hear an argument explaining every detail, but he saw the heart. He saw the love. Then he repented and said, “We indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this Man hath done nothing amiss.”
That thief was saved. With the Lord Jesus, the way of the cross is suffering unjustly.
Even now, some people become bitter toward God. “I cannot believe God would do this to me. I cannot believe I am in this circumstance. I cannot believe He is really love.” Yet how much He suffers and how much He is falsely accused.
We know that He is full of love. We know that everything He does is good. We know that He is always working for good. But how much we make Him suffer through false accusations, even when we do not understand what He is doing.
Now consider one another. Have you ever been falsely accused? Have you ever had people angry with you when you had not sinned or done anything wrong? Yet they were bitter, angry, judgmental, and holding things against you.
What do you do? Do you stand up and tell the whole world, “I am righteous. I did not do this. Please do not think that way. I really did not do it. Let us just be friends”? You cannot do it.
If you follow the Lamb wherever He goes, you follow the way of the cross. There are many misunderstandings in the church. If you have ever experienced misunderstanding, you begin to appreciate the need to give the benefit of the doubt.
Many times we are falsely accused. In the same way that the Lord bore the cross and the shame, we walk in it. We cannot always stand up for ourselves. Perhaps there is a rare case when we need to say something to help another person, but many times we simply bear the cross.
These are our crosses. Thank the Lord, we take them up in Christ. We follow the Lord, take up the cross, and follow Him. We do not open our mouths, even though we are misunderstood.
If everyone walked rightly, perhaps they would forgive you or come and speak with you, and the matter could be made known. But sometimes people will not do this. Then we simply follow the Lord.
We do not hold bitterness toward them. We say, “Father, forgive them; they know not what they do.”
This teaches us to be very merciful. Every time someone sins against you—or you think they have sinned against you—realize that perhaps they did not mean it. Perhaps they did not know that it affected you that way. Perhaps they did not even sin. Perhaps you are thinking about it wrongly.
Thank the Lord, among God’s people in the church, we get to experience Christ much in this way of forgiveness. I do not think it is a problem in a bad way; it is an opportunity problem.
When someone sins against us, this is an opportunity to experience Christ: Christ in the cross, Christ by forgiving, Christ by repenting, Christ by restoring—all of it.
Every time something happens, we look to the Lord and say, “Lord, how does this work with me and You?” Then we look to our brethren and say, “This is the way to walk.”
If we can keep this one key, it will unlock our difficulties with forgiveness in our relationship with one another. There may be more situations where we ask, “What about this? What about that?” But if we take it to the Lord and ask, “Lord, how does this work with me and You?” then in Christ we can go to our brethren and know what to do.
We do it just the way God in Christ has forgiven us. May the Lord be merciful to us. May we be merciful to one another.
Let us pray.
Lord, we thank You for praying for us on the cross. We thank You that You prayed that we would be forgiven. You were so merciful, saying that we did not know what we were doing.
Lord, we feel that we know what we do. We feel that we purposely do wrong, but You are so merciful. You have such good thoughts toward us.
Lord, we thank You that You do not call us to do something we cannot do. You do not call us merely to go out and forgive. You call us to forgive in Christ, in the way that You have forgiven us.
Lord, we thank You for forgiving us of our sins. We pray that if any of us have sins not forgiven right now, You would expose them. Give us the gift of repentance, that we would confess and be cleansed.
We pray that no one would walk out without a clean slate with You. As we pray for one another, shine Your light on any matters that need to be dealt with.
By Your grace in Christ, strengthen us to rise up, forgive one another, apologize, and walk in this way.
We really thank You, Lord, for giving us one another. We thank You for the love of the brethren, for how You have bound us together in love, and for how You keep us in mercy.
Lord, we thank You for calling us to love one another and to be merciful to one another. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus’ name, amen.